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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Re: Angry Husband!
Mar 16, 2004
HI J cricket~i do know how you feel.I grew up in a abusive home both my parents were abusive exremly!!!!!!!my father was and is still a drinker.I have cut off all contact with my mother she is still abusive but in other ways.
So i married an abuser~~He was at first nice i just went with what ever he said i was used to that.He was so mean.I had no voice.The first time i left him he followed would not let up~all in the line of letting me know he had control~it was way worse this time.
He had gotten a job working nights it was so peaceful when he wasn't there.BUT he would come home in a rage it was on one of these nights he raped me.I became pregnant he slowed down some on the beatings and i started to try to be stronger and braver for this child.She was born way to early one of his beatings is what started my labor.Some people now ask me why didn't you get out why did you let him treat you this way~~I don't know.It got worse as the baby got better.he told me many times she was gonna die i know now he meant to try to hurt her.I finally called 911 the night he picked up a chair and threw it at her.But they (cops) did nothing but escorted him off the place.I did file for divorce.After 5 years he decided to see our child i can't explain for you what that has been like.He still knows everyother weekend iam in fear.Iam scared to death .He gets away with everything.I have remarried to a wonderful man.we have one child togather and have been trying to have another for over 2 years.Why is it so hard now for me to conceive when all the jerk did before was rape me and i was pregnant!!!WE have taken him to court many many times he has told our child he was gonna kill himself the courts did nothing he locked her in a room they did nothing and he would'nt let her go to the bathroom and on and on.When we go to court he lies does what ever he can to me has been oreder not to call or try to talk to me yet when he does they do nothing.I was told he hasn't physically hurt her and until he does that we can't do anything.He also hated the party her 1 yr one he laid on the couch it was so embarrassing and degrading.
But my fear has been replaced with my childs fear so he is still doing it.
Don't let yourself take it.You are not what he says.It is so good you have family support.My mom hated him till i left him than she no longer supported me with my decision i believe now she actually like what he was doing to me.
Iam sorry this got so long when i get on this subject i can write for hours.I did see a counsler it didn't help.He wanted to focus on us having contact can you believe that!!but you see that is what my ex wanted and had the counsler believeing .
It would not of been worth it to work it out.You can't work out any form of has been 9 years and it hasn't changed.
You can be happy!!And even though i at times didn't even have a 1$ to put gas in my car to get to work i was finding peace.Yes he still finds ways to get to me But i have the most wonderfull Husband thta stands by me and is always here.
Be brave and let your kids know that it is not right to live that way.

And to the one whoose husband has turned her son against her that is what my ex also does.And I do hope your son see's that one day.And knows how you loved them so much that you had to leave.
Re: Angry Husband!
Apr 15, 2004
He has got too many issues. He's never physically hurt me, except thrown things at me when he's lost control of his anger. Last week we got into a fight and he threw a plastic cup at me to try and shut me up. When I get angry at him I do tend to yell and run my mouth, something I'm trying to work on. Its sad to say, but we have argued almost the entire time we've know each other. We seem to disagree about everything. I don't know how I managed to marry a person like this and have two kids. But I don't regret it I just always hoped we would eventually work out our differences and get along. Its what I've always wanted, a happy loving husband. Tried for years and years to be a good wife for him.

I've been going to counceling by myself and I wish I would have done this sooner. I'm learning alot about men and myself as well. It may be too late to save the marriage, but at least by me going I'm helping my next relationship and the existing one between my husband and I. I want the divorce to go as smooth as possible and hope oneday we can forgive and forget. I also hoped by fixing myself I would fix our marriage but I have alot of doubt and don't think that's going to work here.

I would prefer to stay together and try to make it work. I'm still very confused and have alot of doubt that it will. There is alot to consider, I have two children that love us very much, I only wish we loved each other as much as we love them. Part of me still wants him, but I don't know why. I can't stand him most of the time, He's rude, inconsiderate, selfish, immature and materialistic just to name a few. I think alot of it stems from his childhood. (His father can also be very difficult and set in his ways)

The bottom line is we have both changed. I'm not the same person I was when he met me, I'm a wife, and a mother which makes me very happy. He still wants to party and complains everyday about the kids, house, marriage etc. I think I've grown up, and doing what I should be doing with my life at 34, and he is 34 going on 24.
Re: Angry Husband!
Apr 16, 2004
The article makes perfect sense. I only wish is was that simple.

I would be more than happy to give my husband 150 % and do all those things to meet his needs. But its kind of hard to want to have sex with him when he's constantly bitching and nagging me everyday about something. He complains so much about everything that goes on around here and usually turns it around so its my fault. He loves to play the blame game.

He would love sex three times a day, he would love for me to be very involved in his hobbies, he would love for me to look like a Victoria Secret Model. The list goes on. He should love me for me and he doesn't. He doesn't like talking to me, we have never taken long walks together. Just the other day he critized me and told me, "I have no skills" Of course he was just saying this out of spite, but why does he have to be so cruel all the time? I don't think he deserves me and doesn't know much about me at all.

I have tried to communicate my needs to him. I get no affection, well his idea of affection is slapping me on my butt. He doesn't talk to me, support me, encourage me, or respect me. I have tried the golden rule, "Do onto others as they would do onto you" Hoping if I showed him respect and admiration he would do the same for me. It never happens. I really do believe he is just immature.

I know there alot of men out there who can talk about their feelings and who do respect women, etc. I just am with the wrong man. I hope to one day find someone like my father. He was such a good man. Always sat and talked to my mother. There was relationship wasn't always perfect, but he truly loved her and respected her. Marriage is hard but it shouldn't be such a struggle just for us to get along.

I see him starting to treat my kids the same way. He's always getting upset with them over stupid things. There 3 and 1 and are going to make alot of mistakes, their just kids and I'm so tired of listening to him gripe at them. I think the best thing for both of us is to move on. If I stay he will pass it onto them. My son will treat women like crap and my daughter will allow to men to treat her bad. He does love them very much, just doesn't have any patience with them at all.

I'm now taking it one day at a time. Trying to do things in my life to make my happy and raise my kids the best I know how.

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