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Re: Angry Husband!
Mar 16, 2004
[QUOTE=j_cricket33]I've been married to an angry man for almost 8 years. We have two small children together. I think I have stayed so long because I was scared to be on my own again, and didn't want my kids to be raised by a single mom.

My husband told me last week that he wasn't attracted to me and didn't love me anymore. I don't exactly have loving feelings for him after being critized for so long, but I still wanted him in my life (or so I thought). This past week we have been trying to talk things out, and everything that comes out of his mouth is so mean and cruel. He has said things to me like, "I wished I would have never married you." and "I don't care if we ever have sex again" There's a whole lot more but I don't want to drag this out. I felt like he was taking a knife and stabbing it right in my heart. I have tried for so long to make him happy. He is a perfectionist and in his mind he is close to perfect. (word for word that's what he told me) No matter what I do its never good enough. I'm always being made fun of, or put down. He doesn't like the way I walk, talk, eat, sleep, the list goes on. I can't believe after all this time together he doesn't have one nice thing to say about me. Oh, he did say I was a good mother. He doesn't even know me because I'm a whole lot more than that. I've even gotten teased or been called "Old and boring" because I like being a wife and mother.

I've tried to focus on me and not him, knowing it takes two to argue and I know I'm defensive. Wouldn't you want to defend yourself if someone was constantly finding fault with everything you do? I really don't think I'm the one broken here, I think we moved in different directions and I've grown-up and he still wants to act like he's young and free. We are so opposotite but I never believed that didn't mean we couldn't still be together. He is such a negative person, I'm very positive. We had a birthday party for my son and he complained about that! He said, why do we have to have a b-day party for him, I've got better things to do" I can't believe I can't even enjoy my son's party.

Everyone tells me to go to counceling with him. He has never been able to share his feelings with me, just the negative ones. When I'm talking to him about mine I get made fun of. I don't see how counceling will work because he's too immature and won't do the work. I also don't see how its going to make him feel different about me. I will go to counceling for my kids so one day I can tell them I did everything I could to make it work. I think eventually he will pass this off to them, and I don't want that to happen so I pretty much know I have to get my life figured out and leave. I won't stay with him unless he changes and I doubt from his attitude that will happen. He still doesn't admit any wrong doing in this relationship, nothing!

Would you consider this abuse? I've never thought of him as abusive, just controlling and impossible.[/QUOTE]
Yes that is abuse. It's called emotional abuse. That is awful torture to put yourself through.
That is one hard abuse to recover from to. And if that's what you go through, I wonder how your kids are treated by him if they don't do something right or when they're learning something.
Does he tell them what a loser they are or they're no good for anything or anything like that? It does a lot of damage to children and not to mention your self esteem.
Plus the male children in your family will learn to treat women that way also.
It's completely cruel! Why would he say those things to any human being so openly.
For Your sake and the Kids sake, you should have that in your life or your kids lives!
With the stuff he says to you, counciling is not going to fix, if that's really how he feels. Counciling is for people who want there relationship to work and love each other.
He insults you like your nothing.
8 yrs is not that long, you can have a much better life for you and your kids. Material is never worth it to stay with such cruelty.
Take care, Pootsi-

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