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Anger Management Message Board

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Re: Angry Husband!
Mar 15, 2004
Your posting brought back a lot of memories. I've been in your position. Stayed years longer than I would have liked to, but because of "fear of the unknown," I ended up vegitating in a long-dead marriage.

I'm not going to lie to you. Being a single mom is not easy. Although my husband at the time didn't make a lot of money, two incomes are still better than one, and after the separation the kids and I had to adjust our lifestyle tremendously. That meant a lot of "fringe benefits" the kids used to have were no longer available to them and at age 11 and 13 they were not happy about that. Also, since after I kicked their dad out he moved in with his mother and had no expenses, he was able to "buy the kids off" when I couldn't afford what they wanted (which was always,) and I looked like a loser to them, just like he wanted me to.

My kids are now 23 and 21. My 23-year-old son has not spoken to me in 5 years. I am remarried, finishing my bachelor's degree, have moved to another city hundreds of miles away because I was so tired of my ex making up lies about me to make up for his feeling of anger and failure at being kicked out by his wife (he told people in our community that I'm: In jail, in drug rehab, a prostitute, a lesbian, dead, etc etc etc) and I had no choice but to move. But aside from the horrible problem with my son that my ex continues to fan the flames for every day to "make me pay," I'm certain that my life is much better than it would have been if I had stayed with my childrens' dad.

Do you want your kids to be raised by a single mom, or in a home where there is no love, constant anger and degradation of their mother, and negativity? I still am glad I got out of that situation regardless of the problems my control-freak ex have caused. It wasn't worth throwing the rest of the my life away for a mistake I made when I was 19 years old. I hope my son comes around some day and realizes that in a divorce there is no "bad guy," it's just a mistake two people make who are not right for each other, but if he doesn't, he's an adult and that's his problem to deal with. I've tried to contact him but he hangs up on me and blocks my emails. He knows how to contact me if he needs to and I'm here for him nomatter what but even he has no right to treat me like garbage and I'm not making the first move to contact him ever again.

My daughter is fine and tries to tread a narrow line and not upset anyone because my kids' dad has them convinced that if they have any relationship with my new husband and me that "they are disloyal," so she acts accordingly. This is not fair, and is a ripple effect of that mistake I made so long ago, but if I hadn't married that person, I wouldn't have the children so it wasn't a total wash. I just wish he'd get over it and grow up. After ten years, though, it doesn't look like that's ever going to happen. No situation is perfect, but the situation I chose to be in now (no longer married to a mean, hateful, violent control freak) is still 100% better and my quality of life has improved for the better. Also, my kids do not see me being mistreated or degraded anymore, and hopefully they have learned that no one has to put up with that, nomatter what.

Do what you have to do, but my suggestion is this - BAIL. Life's too short and this guy is not worth it. Take some time to enjoy "finding yourself," and after that if you find yourself needing a relationship, go for it. But remember this - make yourself happy and everything else in your life will follow suit. Your kids deserve a happy home and so do you!

Best of luck to you, my friend, and let me know how it goes.

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