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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Twiddling thumbs sounds like an adult "time out", which may not be a bad idea for you to do. I did not witness how you handled it, but your tone does say something about how you deal with confrontation. Do you agree you are angry? Are you looking to change that or just to vent? Do you feel justified when you yell? This is about your anger and how you deal with it. I don't know how often or how bad it gets, but you have said you yell all the time and are not listened to. I have read your posts but don't approve of angry outbursts for the receivers sake because itís a verbal assault. Some are that way and it happens but if you do it a lot and justify it, nothing will change for you. People that constantly yell, get angry a lot, vent at whoever is in their path, make venting more important then anything else. Were you hit as a child, a bully?

Does yelling or screaming work? If it did, you would not be posting about it. It's disruptive. You will lose respect if your gut reaction is to yell and scream at people. You will be labled a hot head, someone who canít be spoken to because they are angry and not level headed. Or maybe that is not the case at all.

Could you have gotten between them and separated them? If you are the authority, babysitter what have you, and they are left in your charge, if they don't like your caregiving methods, tell them to hire someone else or get your husband to shake a tail feather and do it himself, that you will not function that way. Go on strike. If enoughs - enough, put your foot down and make them deal with it. It's his visitation. If you are this angry, maybe you should consider separation? If things are that bad, canít be changed, miserable, horrible, and driving you mad, could you start a new life? Have you considered it? Is this man worth it?

You seem aggitated. It is difficult reaching angry people, because they believe they are justified. If thatís the case, what I say will not be heard in the way itís intended.

If you are sarcastic, what response do you expect? If you want to be taken seriously, and not get ignored, see if you are being sarcastic or hostile because if you are, you can't be that way and expect someone to take the abuse because that is what it is. If you are not mean in your own mind and have angry outbursts that can be construed as being mean, it isn't warm and fuzzy.

Might does not make right. Is a 10 year old child to be seen and not heard? I will assume they were verbally arguing BEFORE it escalated to a physical altercation. Are you old school? Could it have been addressed before it got physical? Did you passively let them argue without sitting them down and talking it out? I knew people who yelled, screamed, hit first, had a temper treated children and women like objects and second class citizens rather then human beings. Did not know how to talk, they did not have the right to a thought or feeling of their own. If you have angry outbursts, itís not the way to be. I donít care how justified you may be but anger, violence hostility will never solve problems. It creates them and makes existing problems worse.

I for one will always be a child advocate because they don't have the voice adults do. While kids can be unruly, undisciplined, challenge authority, a royal pain in the butt, they are after all kids. While, kids will be kids it's the adults job to govern & discipline. Screaming is neither. Itís venting, thatís all.

If your husband does not want you to discipline, does not give you authority over the kids while they are in your care, I would tell him to find someone else to do it because that is not how you operate. Maybe a parenting skills course could help you.

If he does not back up your methods, perhaps a sit down to find out what methods are okay. As I said, yelling is not a method itís venting. Could you both agree what specific disciplinarian actions would be appropriate? It would be unfair and not reasonable of him to expect you to be accountable for them with no measure of discipline for when they act up. If he expects that, he can hire an adult babysitting service to come in and do it. If he expects you to be a doormat, give him something else to think about for certain.

I understand you were not about to let a 10 yr. old get the best of you, your the boss. However, if you did not intervene if and when their altercation was first verbal, it may have been a missed opportunity to break it up before it got physical. Or maybe I am so far off, itís not even funny. Okay, you yelled at them once, yell at your husband a lot and hold this all in. Anyway, anger and yelling wonít ever be the answer or fix anything thatís wrong, but stick to your guns, they are for shooting.

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