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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

First in replying to Undefined who said they ended up in the emgergency room because of stress. I actually ended up in the emergency room because of one of the Step children I deal with. I had been dealing with her attitude for too long without support from my husband that I just lost it for two days. I did not yell at anyone at all when I got upset I just totally lost it. I say that I am not a person who has panic attacks but that is one of the two panic attacks that I have ever had in my life. This time was the first time and I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me. I actually felt like I was going to die. My arms were numb and my body was in a state of shock. I can't even hardly descibe it. I actually walked around from my living room to my kitchen back to my living room for hour after hour just panicking. I did not know what to do. This was before the stressful job I have now that I still have not returned to but they still are trying to get me back there. My husband had plans with his parents that weekend and he went and got his children and I begged him not to leave me alone because I really was just going crazy at that point and I felt like I was going to die. I had heard about people having panic attacks before but had never experienced it before. Well, he left anyways and I really freaked out and called 911. What was kindof weird is I described my symptoms but they never recognized it as a panic attack. I thought maybe I was reacting to medication so I brought that up when I was there so maybe they did not even think about a panic attack. I take inderal for Migraine headaches, I have for many years.

In response to that last post.

Where you referred to my mello quote and how I said maybe they don't realize how upset I am at times.

Your response was referring to my husband and that I need to open up to him at the end of the day about my work and things that go on. The thing that might be misunderstood here is that I do open up. I talk and talk and talk about just about every aspect of my day when I get home from work. I also try to encourage him to do the same. He does know what I have been going through and he actually does not discourage me when I say I just need to get out of there and get a different job. He will encourage me. This may sound bad but I have been dealing with a lot of anger even holding down a job for the last 8 or 9 years. I had a job that lasted 7 years and then now the last couple years I have lasted about 9 months in each job. Here is probably the biggest thing I have for anger that holds me back. Some people don't understand or have sympathy for it but let me tell you it is tough. Most of what I make goes to his ex wife and kids. To you it may not sound like a big deal but try getting up every day for work and realize that someone else is benefiting from your hard labor and work. I have worked on this attitude I have about this over and over and I just cannot seem to get over it. If I did not work to help flip the bill for child support payments we would not be able to survive. I have heard all of the speaches about a fathers responsibility and how it was my choice and all of that. That has not effected how I feel a person cannot help how they feel. They can try to fight it but it's still there. I guess how it makes me feel is that I am living someone elses life. I am paying for someone elses children. I am paying to someone elses ex wife and I may never get the opportunity to have a family of my own. So I know the work stress is there but I do not feel that it is the main cause of my stress. I do know that the job I have now if I ever go back is really stressful but I have come to the point where even though I quit that job and they are trying to get me to come back I have not taken the energy to even look for another job. I have given and given for so many years now. Is there any time when I can just relax and stop paying for everyone else.

I would like to be able to change the way I see things but that would mean letting go of every thought of what I want my life to be like that I have ever had. How can a person change there entire thought process I just do not believe that it can be done.

That is really only the tip of the iceberg of the things I have had to deal with in my life.

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