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Anger Management Message Board

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[Sarah, although this post is someone dated, perhaps someone else with a deployed loved one may need the advice of those who have been in their shoes..]

My husband was in Iraq for about 13 months. I think it is normal for guys over there to get frustrated..especially if their loved ones need them back at home. The way I tried to minimize this is to not talk about sad things in my letters or phone calls. I tried to handle problems at home on my own or with the help of friends here. Since my husband was not able to do anything to help if something went wrong back here, it didn't do a lot of good to bring those things up when I spoke to him on the phone or by email. His concerns over in Iraq were much greater.. trying to stay alive and not go crazy from the explosions and other things that happened around him.

If your boyfriend is taking out his frustrations on you, you may have to gently tell him that you are there for him if he needs someone to talk to, but that you are not going to be treated badly by him simply because he is frustrated or upset by his situation. Although everyone can understand that he may be afraid, stressed, angry, etc., that does not give him the right to be hostile with you. Tell him that you support him, make sure he knows that you love him, but make the boundaries clear that he shouldn't take out his anger on you.

My husband is back home and is getting out of the Army in March after 14 years of Active Duty service. I wish your boyfriend a speedy return home (if he isn't already back) and G-d bless him and you.

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