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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


[QUOTE=laslexmo]I am new to this so please bear with me.

I have a problem that is tearing my family apart. I'm angry and moody and irritable all the time. At first I thought maybe it was PMS but it's all the time, but only with my family. My husband and my kids, there are times that I just want to get away from all of them. I love them all more than anything, but for some reason they are the ones that drive me to that point of uncontrollable irritation. We are in family counseling now because my oldest daughter has ODD and depression and my husband has anger control issues and this causes us all to fight and argue all the time. I used to just get upset once in a while, but now out of a month maybe one week I'm okay, the rest of the time I'm angry. Usually I just want to be left alone, I don't want anyone to talk to me, or ask me to do anything or ask me what is wrong. I think I am losing my husband, because I don't even want to have sex anymore, and he is not okay with that. I don't want to be like this. If someone else is going through the same thing, please help me. I don't want to lose my family.[/QUOTE]

I am very sorry to hear that. As you said, you are not the only one having trouble. Your husband's got anger issues and your eldest is depressed. I have anger issues myself. I am by no means an expert on the subject. However, my wife and I were having a lot of trouble after our child was born. I also began to have some health problems at that time. We would fight (and sometimes still doÖ) over stupid stuff that I cannot even recall. Usually, the issue was secondary to the mood and the fact that one of us was looking for a fight!

Addressing the health issues helped, but we did two other things that really seemed to improve our outlook. First, my wife and I setup a deliberate period of time, Saturday evenings, to spend time together. We drop our daughter off with the Grandparents and go back home. We do anything that allows us to talk to each other, so we avoid movies and loud clubs. Usually we just hang out, make dinner and talk, but we donít do anything that is stressful or frustrating. It feels sort of like when we were dating. Secondly, we joined a health club. I was skeptical that this would help, but a therapist friend recommended it. My wife takes exercise classes and I lift weights and run. It might be coincidental, but this has calmed both of us. It just seems to melt the aggression away, especially for me!

You might already be trying one or both of these ideas. I think the family therapy is a good idea, too. However, if your husband is like me, heís going to need some one-on-one therapy to address those anger issues. If he has issues, youíre never going to get past them. If his anger continues, so will your anger. It occurs to me that he may also be dealing with depression. Your daughter has some mental health issues and those things CAN be genetic. Heck, you might want to look into some mental health screening for yourself.

I believe that if you and your husband want to stay together, you can do it. Itís going to take some deliberate effort on everybodyís part.

Good luck.





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