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Anger Management Message Board


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When my boyfriend was younger he was a big kid and other kids made fun of him alot and so did adults,lots of people did and he has supressed it all in and now he lashes out at me and at his parents.His mom said that he has always had anger problems and he always got in trouble alot when he was young because he would be so mad all the time.I dont know what to do to help him out.When we first got together (one year ago) he didnt show me any anger like this because we werent close and he only does it to people he is close to.The only problem with this is that when he gets mad at something he turns it around and makes me feel like it was my fault.He cant take responsibility for himself. This is really murting our relationship and Im starting to wonder if he will get better at all.

What can I do to help him?
Dear Young Lady with angry boyfriend,

Please be very careful. My daughter is going through a nasty divorce from a man whom she was married to for 6 years. He was arrested for domestic violence. They have two children. Unbeknownst to me he was hitting, kicking,choking, shoving and bullying her for years. He too had issues of self-esteem. She fell in love with him 9 years ago and felt a little bit sorry for him when she married him. He always told her that she was the only one who understood him. These psychological problems connected with low self-esteem are very deep rooted and unfortunately love alone doesn't solve them. He thought if she "loved" him she would take his abuse. It's taken her many years to get the courage to leave him. Don't let yourself become a victim. Concerned mother.
>>>When my boyfriend was younger he was a big kid and other kids made fun of him alot and so did adults,lots of people did and he has supressed it all in and now he lashes out at me and at his parents.His mom said that he has always had anger problems and he always got in trouble alot when he was young because he would be so mad all the time<<<<

I think its so easy to make excuses for people as to why theyre the way they are. He was big and they made fun of him. So what? I was skinny as a pole , had bucked teeth and got called names and made fun of. Almost everyone is made fun of at one point in their lives. They need to get over it and move on. I think it is plain immaturity, cruelness and they like to explain it away with reasons that happened when they were young. Sure i could understand if someone had grown up being abused, physically and/or mentally, that they would grow up mentally unstable and have behavioral problems but there are also so many abused people that have been able to move past that as well. SOme do, some dont. The ones who don't NEED to be in some sort of therapy. But you making excuses for him or ACCEPTING his excuse, that kids made fun of him and that is why he is so angry , is only contributing to it and enabling him to continue doing so. Why should he change his ways or learn how to behave or go to anger management when everyone is making excuses for him and practically giving him permission to behave the way he does?
Stand up to him and tell him you will not allow to be treated that way any longer. If youre afraid of him tell him over the phone and then take safety measures. He either goes to therapy, changes his behavior or that he can find another woman who will put up with his behavioral problems and possible physical beatings down the line. Do you REALLY want to be with a man who treats you like this? I can totally understand and do have compassion for married women who have been in a committment for so many years and have kids and they cant afford to leave. I feel so sorry for them and they need to be helped as much as possible. But a boyfriend??? come on sweetie, you are worth MUCH MUCH more than having to put up with his ridiculous excuse. And you say he treats his parents the same?? Trust me youre not going to change him unless he gets treatment or decides to grow up. Look around this anger board. So many women with kids, struggling to get out of a marriage, wondering where they will go to, what they will do and some fearing for their very life. Do you really want THAT for your future? Do you want that for your kids should you marry him?? You are worth much more hon, much much more and deserve so much better that risking the possibility of being a future abused wife. Please think long and hard and please above everything else, take care of yourself.
Jen
I agree with all these posts. I recently left a man I loved for 15 years. But he didn't treat me right from the first year. I'd never been with anyone who was always angry before, so it took me a while to figure out that I was being abused in many ways. He took all his emotional problems out on me because I was the only one dumb enough to hang around! What I want to say to you is - they don't get better. They only get worse. Just go out with other men and stay with the one who is kind-hearted. (If you can find one!) MY QUESTION FOR ALL OF YOU IS: Does anyone know why there seem to be SO MANY men with these "anger" problems? Is it hormonal or something? I know there are mean women in the world, but it seems like the mean men out-number the mean women 100 to 1! Thank you if you have an answer!





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