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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

I've been angry all my life. I'm currently reading all kinds of books and really trying, and I beleive succeeding, to come to grips with it. I've never hit a woman, but I have spanked my kids, and felt wrong about it afterwards. Without my wife of 12 years being completely supportive right now, I'm not sure I would be doing all this work. We've both recently made a statement to our kids that there WILL BE NO MORE SPANKINGS OR HITTING OF ANY KIND. And we're all talking about it, and even have some good laughs about it. I've never felt closer to my family than I do now, and I hope it continues forever.

I don't know how much anger you receive from him, or how he vents his anger, but here's a few ideas:

1. If he has been hitting you already, move out immediately. (If you stay, it means you have your own needs for being beat up, etc. and you might want to talk with someone yourself. ;) This doesn't mean you have to end your relationship with him, or stop loving him, or stop helping him. But you need to get the physical contact stopped until he really does something about it. You won't be able to fix him yourself. You can only be there for him, and make sure he is aware of his "problem". I think, but don't know for sure, that people who are excessively angry, know it. So he's probably not surprised. Anyway, if you leave him physically, he is forced to see that it's serious enough to make you afraid. If he runs, he doesn't care enough to look at his problem seriously, and it will not work out between you.

2. If he hasn't done you any physical harm (yet), then make sure you tell him straight out, but with kindness - "if you ever hit me in any way, I'm gone." My wife said this to me when we got married, and it always stayed in the back of my mind.

3. I am finding out that there are so many angry men out there, it's unbelievable. And it's really comforting too. It took a pretty emotional job-loss for me to decide to really work on my anger, but so far, it's been the best thing for me, and I have a feeling that my life is already changing for the better. Enough about me. What I want to say here is that until he really feels the despair of his anger, he won't even be at a point where he can start to deal with it. And from my experience, it will not improve until he himself does something about it.

4. I guess the best thing you can do to help him is make sure he's aware that anger is normal, but if it seems excessive for the given situation, he's got some underlying baggage. He's not nuts, but he'll be a lot happier in both the short term and the long run if he looks into it, finds out why, and how to best catch those feelings before they turn into anger/rage outbursts. It's really hard to do, but fun to work on when you know what's going on.

Well, I shouldn't be giving so much advice when I don't know for sure what I'm talking about, so take the parts you like, and forget the rest. :D

Some great books:
[U]Dealing With Your Anger[/U], by Frank Donovan
[U]The Secret Life of Men[/U], by Steve Biddulph

Good luck to him and you! :jester:

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