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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


Hi everybody, I'm also new to the site and I have been a heart patient practically my whole life. I've already had 3 OHS and should be facing my fourth one of these days. Even though I'm married, my husband has always given me freedom to see friends, go visiting and so on. I've never been too keen on children though, but ended up wanting to have one eventually which in a way, was a big mistake. I love my daughter, don't get me wrong, but the problem is I just don't have the patience for all the childish stuff that comes with it. I've even been to a psychologist and she helped me understand why I have this aversion for kids in general. You see, because of my heart problem I had to spend good part of my own childhood confined to a bed which meant that I couldn't go out and play, so I spent most of my time in the company of adults. As well as that, since I have a very serious problem in my eyes, the children at school just kept making fun of me and calling me names all the time. Until today, I haven't really overcome it and whenever a child stares at me, I simply look away. Anyway, the doctor told me that all I feel is owed to a childhood that was "stolen" from me, as she put it. I'm not renowned for my patience, but when it comes to being with children, I have none at all and it's a big struggle for me not to let it show to Bruna that I'm not really interested in whatever she wants to tell me or show. I would appreciate your opinion and advice, thank you.

Débora from Brazil
That was quick! Well, I'm like that myself, and in my opinion, if someone writes in here, is because he or she wants others to read and write back, don't you agree? In answer to your question regarding anger, well, my husband says I'm ok as long as everything goes the way I want them to which's true up to a certain extent. You see, I've been through an awful lot healthwise, so I kind of expect life and people to make up for what I've lost. I know it sounds weird and putting my thoughts into English isn't always an easy task for me since my native language is Portuguese. Anyway, I'll try to outline it as best as I can. I don't really like taking NO for an answer, and I'm always to eager to explain the whys to things. My mum doesn't quite accept me the way I am for she says I should agree with her more instead of disagreeing the way I do. We're far too different and have opposite values. She says I shouldn't just go saying what I think to people and it's not the done thing when you live in a society. I hate hipocracy and when I don't like something or somebody, I find it very difficult to hide. I have many family issues which I've learned how to live with and to me love isn't something you can take somebody up on simply because this or that person is blood related to you. My mum keeps trying to impose that sort of thing on me, but the truth is that I can't stand my brother, and I'm not naive to think he's nuts about me either. He's a snob and has always looked down on me, but again, there's nothing I can do about it and as well as that, he doesn't see himself as this person I've just mentioned. For so many years I tried to, let's say, buy my way into my family. Well, I've finally got fed up with the whole thing to the point of not caring any more. I used to get really angry at them for being rotten, that includes some of my relatives too, but now, I can safely say that I no longer have any feelings left for them nor do I wish anything bad to happen. I do get angry a lot with Bruna when she misbehaves and do my fair share of shouting, but nothing serious. Robert, my husband tries to reason with me when this happens, but that just makes matters worse. You know, the typical situation where daddy's little girl is a poor little soul. I had Bruna because I wanted to, despite of all the advice people gave me at the time. They always knew I wasn't fit for the job, I'll say that. But now she's here and I have to do my best which I think I've been managing pretty well regardless of my bad temper at times.
I know exactly how you feel about your eyes and one of the things I've told my daughter is to never make fun of people because they might look different. She knows how much I've suffered with all this and seems to feel sorry whenever she sees somebody with some sort of problem. By the way, how does your husband feel about you not wanting children? It's been very nice to be able to share these experiences with you and any time you feel like writing for whatever reason, feel free to do so. I'm sure there are more people out there who feel like we do, but simply can't bring themselves to admit it for it's not a pleasant feeling at all, especially for me since I do have a child at home and sometimes feel as if I was rejecting her. I've often wondered if God will ever punish me for that seeing that there are so many people with unhealthy kids when mine is a perfect little seven year old and very intelligent too. She speaks English and Portuguese and does very well at school. Hope to hear from you again soon.

Débora from Brazil





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