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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


I'd like to say , that unless its an emotional psychiatric problem that has been diagnosed by a doctor, people can change IF THEY WANT TO. Its all a matter of discipline.Its a choice that we make, to lose our temper with those we love. I guess its cause we feel "safe" to vent and be abusive to those people we know love us unconditionally. I used to be nothing but a -----, rhymes with witch. I used to throw things at my poor hubby when we first got married. Im talking darts, (which hit the mark), plates, glasses you name it. I was not a very nice person. This went on for two years. Arguing all the time, name calling, you get the picture. Im surprised he didnt leave me.
When i had my son, i made a CONSCIOUS decision NOT to be the same person i had been. I had a very bad temper and gave in to it in the blink of an eye. I KNEW I had to change. I decided i did not want my child growing up with a mother that way or have my wonderful patient husband leave me. I decided to change, and change I did. Not saying it was easy, but i had a reason, a very good reason to do so , my precious family, and that was my discipline that helped me change.
To see me now, im the sweetest person you could meet. My temper is in check, and in control. No help from medication, no help from doctors, just a promise i made to myself that when i felt like losing it, id look at my son and remember the promise i made to him and that was strong enough to help me. I did become a stronger and better person for it, a better mother and a better wife. We just celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary and are very happy.
Now im not saying everyone can do this. Im sure some people have chemical inbalances that do require meds. For those people i say shame on your if you DONT even make an effort to go see your doctor for meds about it and allow it to continue. Then thats more a power/control fix youre on and quite honestly you dont want help. If youre just the type that feel "i have a bad temper and i "cant help it", sometimes thats just an flat out excuse as far as i can see . Wanting to change is the first step. Then doing something about it is the second. It wont happen overnight, but if you work on it, and if you love someone enough to forget your pride and make an effort to change, even in small steps and work towards that goal, you can do it. There is no excuse not to. None of this , "its in my blood, or all our family is like this BS". Of course if you
have a chemical imbalance, then youre really suppose to be in a physicians care. If youre not, then you really should know you are at fault for the pain you are causing your family, no one elses fault, but your own IF YOU DONT SEEK HELP FROM A DOCTOR and the sad part is your family is the one paying the price. Do things to experience change, meditate, pray, try to see things differently, count to 20, 30 even. Take deep breaths when youre angry. EVERYONE gets angry. EVERYONE. How we choose to deal with the emotion is what makes the difference. FIrst thing first. Stop blaming the "its in my family, we're all this way " stuff. Thats so untrue. When you do change, you'll get the greatest reward in the world. THe respect from your family, and from yourself, because im sure they do love you. Your family, should come before anything else, even your pride. You CAN DO IT. There are reasonable reasons for getting angry, its the way we decide to act and respond to it that makes people different.Oh and yes, there are perfectly good reasons to get angry at times too, and there are times you need to act out on that anger, but there is also a correct way to handle anger in a mature adult way. Im no goody two shoes, trust me, i can argue right up there with the best, just that the battles i DO choose are different and worthwhile. Get some medical advice, or work on your personality. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Jen





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