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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

What is a DD?

My mother said awful things to me when I was growing up, for silly stuff like clothes preference, just like you did.

I understand that my mother was verbally abused and emotionally neglected when she was a child. And that she didn't know what she was doing when she set about raising three children. She never, ever apologized for any of the cruel things she did (and she did plenty of inexcusable things). I guess she figured apology was a sign of weakness.

It would have made [B]all[/B] the difference in the world to me if she'd sat down later, when she was calmer, and said [I]"You know, I lost my temper at you, and you didn't deserve it. Yes, I was angry, but it was out of proportion. My mother treated me that way when I was little and sometimes I forget how much it hurts. But I'm sorry I acted like that and I will try not to do it again. I hope you can forgive me but I understand if you don't right now. You must be pretty mad at me too. You are NOT a loser but sometimes Mommy acts like a great big loser. I love you very much and I don't want you to forget that."[/I] It would have an even bigger difference if (1) she really, really meant it and (2) she really never did it again. Your daughter is old enough to hear this kind of stuff. 10-yr-olds are some of the smartest kids on earth. If your daughter has a cell phone or you can call her at school, this is the kind of thing worth interrupting her class to tell her. Trust me, it will change her whole day.

You might want to seek out counseling to deal with your anger. That fact that you feel terrible tells me that you're a caring mother with a conscience. That's a heck of a good start.

Some other little girl would probably love that lavender blazer. Have you considered donating it to a thrift store?

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