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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


:wave: Hi Dawn,

Read my post several threads below on Anger, control and domestic violence. I recommend a good book on this subject.

Also, look under the relationship boards for my thread on 'Just how much attention is enough". See if you identify with anything I've written or other people have written there.

Even though you 'feel' it might not be directed at you, I'm telling you from experience, his angry behavior is a clear warning sign....one that you should pay close attention to. If you'd like, I'd be happy to give you more insight after you read suggested posts.

In answer to your questions, listen to your gut feeling. If you feel uncomfortable or scared, leave. Even if it's just for a few hours. If you stick around during his outbursts, it will send him a message that it's acceptable to you. And, it will also teach you to become more comfortable with his behavior to the point where it is possible you will talk yourself into believing that "it's not that bad....he hasn't hit or thrown anything at me"....NOT YET anyway!!!

Where does his anger come from? Could be anything. It could be a chemical imbalance, substance abuse, the way he was taught growing up. The possibilites are endless.

I've been told by a domestic violence group that I go to that 'anger management' is not good because, in their opinion, it teaches the individual how to better cover up his anger....not get to the root of it. For known abusers, a batterers group is advised. But, because we don't know the full extent of his problems yet, it wouldn't be fair to say that's what he needs.

I hope I'm not upsetting you, but I happen to feel very strongly about this subject as I am a domestic violence survivor. If I can help at least one person not to go through what I have,jthen there was a good reason for what I endured. I do hope your situation is different than mine. Maybe it is....but, maybe it isn't!!!

Please keep in touch!


Gianna
[QUOTE=Dawn36]Thanks again, Gianna.

I appreciate your input, but i do think you have a built-in bias, having experienced domestic violence. It's perfectly understandable. I also feel that not every man with an anger management problem is a batterer in the making.[/QUOTE]

Surviving domestic violence does not in any way suggest a built in bias and I see nothing Gianna has said to suggest such.

Your posts scream "red flags" a plenty. You've come here looking for advice and then argue it.

This man has, at the very least, anger problems. You are playing with fire. It is obvious from your posts, this is a problem he has had for quite a while and something he has done nothing about.

Apologies after such outburst are empty and quite frankly meaningless, especially since the behavior continues.

Why are you buying a book regarding anger when you are not the one with the problem? Do you think you can fix him?
I have to say I agree with paying attention to red flags. I dated a man six years ago (actually lived with and almost married) that still has left a bitter taste in my mouth. After he finally got the upper hand and dumped me (the last time I broke up with him he tried to slit his wrist in front of me, so I stayed to help him) the man was living with someone within months and married her a year later, the exact day I moved away from him and his terror. His new wife left her ex for him, her ex beat her. The patterns are true and once they are truely comfortable with you they will show ALL their anger. You have unfortunately just tapped the surface, so RUN with all your strength before you have emotional problems as well. I had another abusive relationship after this one and now am a single mother. I do not date but am working on who I am attracted to so I do not repeat this cycle (my mother had the same problem, as well as my grandmother's on both sides, etc...). It becomes a pattern as to who you are attracted to, so look at why you are attracted to these types of men and learn why. Codependancy is not a relationship it is an addiction and this is usually the reason women get stuck in abusive relationships. I know that I was so afraid to be alone I settled, and that is when you are most vulnerable. Life alone is better than living in an eventual hell. You may have to learn the hard way, but in the end the truth will show it's ugly face, whatever it may be. I just pray that it is not that bad for you.





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