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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


Hi again Dawn,

It's quite possible that your situation and mine are totally different. I truly hope that they are.

You mentioned in your last post that...

[I]" It's just that his expression of anger often seems way out of proportion to the issue at hand, and i think someone ought to be able to express anger/frustration/etc without yelling, slamming doors and using foul language. [COLOR=Red]I shouldn't feel frightened when he gets this way."[/[/COLOR]I]

And in your previous post.....

[I]Every once in a while, something will happen to make him lose his patience and he is suddenly VERY angry, yelling loudly, swearing and using foul language, sometimes banging doors. This has never been directed at me, but I just don't know how to cope with it and [B][U]i'm afraid of what would happen if it were directed at me[/U].[/B][/I]

[COLOR=Red]That last line is a bonafide redflag.[/COLOR]

Everyone gets angry. Some people express it better than others. And maybe, just maybe he is truly sorry after his outbursts. But his apologies hasn't changed his behavior has it?

I'm sure he's not the first person in your life that has gotten angry in your presence. How did you feel then? Were you just [I]uncomfortable [/I] or did they [I][B]frighten[/B] [/I] you when they were expressing anger? If it did frighten you, then you need to look at why? If [I]they [/I] didn't frighten you but your boyfriend does......

Then your fear is a clue...a warning sign....it's your protective instinct telling you this needs to be looked at further. I'm glad to see that you are not ignoring it.

I don't know what kind of book that you are getting, but I admire your willingness to look into the problem further. Knowledge is a good thing.

But also keep in the back of your mind that this is his problem, his behavior that he needs to work on. It's nice to want to help......I'm guilty of that myself. My problem was I ignored the initial warning signs. You aren't. In this respect you're much smarter than I was.

I know you want to give him a copy of the book after you read it, but in the mean time, I would also suggest seriously talking with him about how his expression of anger makes you feel. I would tell him how much it frightens you. If you don't want to be with him during that moment, tell him that the next time it happens you will leave until he is calm again.

I hope that I adjusted this last post to more meet your situation needs than I did the last time.

If you would be so kind, please advise what book you are getting. I might be interested in taking a look at it as well.

Thanks and please continue to be informed!


Gianna





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