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Anger Management Message Board

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Re: Angry at an ex
Jul 26, 2005
I read about all of your situations and applaud your strength. I too am a single mother whose ex abandoned me at 3 mos. pregnancy. It is very tough out there, and most people are clueless about the stress (including close family).
One thing that I have learned through my sister's custody battle of 3 years with her daughter is that you want to strive to avoid support from a loser ex at all costs. My neice was kidnapped and abused (physically, sexually and mentally) by her step-mother. Her father wanted nothing to do with her until he married. The courts did nothing to protect the child, it was all about protecting "father's" rights. My neice (at the age of two when having no relationship with them until the custody fight) was aloud to be in shared parenting with her father who pulled a shot gun on his family proven in court documents and a step monster who was molested by her father . The courts aloud my neice to be alone in a room with a convicted child molester without question. She was taken to a hospital 12 times in one year with suspected molestation but doctors were so afraid of malpractice that they would not go on record with their opinions. The kidnapping happened to help cover up a molestation and my step father was accused of molesting her (he had no access to her for weeks prior to this, he and my mother were seperated).

Once the molestation came out of my neice's mouth (at the age of 5) the police would not allow charges to be pressed because they said a jury would not believe her. Counseling was not much of an option because the courts would have placed her in foster care, so she lives with the anger and fear of knowing that the step monster is still free and has custody of her older half brother and younger half sister (they went after all the illigitimate children of this man when the marriage began).

This seems so surreal now that it has been six years, but in the process my step father passed away from the stress and my sister is not able to raise her own daughter (my mother raises her). Life is crazy, but our children are not worth this type of sacrifice. Once you take one dime of money from the father, they have rights whether or not they continue to support the child. Granted not all peopel in this world are this evil, evil does exist so be cautious and protect the child with all of your might. Trust is something that you GIFT a person, not something that a person can demand from you. Life is not a joke and this stuff does happen.

As far as spending time to yourself, there is no easy answer. I can tell you it does get easier as a child grows up and then you miss the time you had before. Try to remember that time goes on, you will grow and learn and with time comes maturity and such a deep love for the child that you will physically hurt when you think about it at times. The money you have to spend on the child does not beat the time you spend with your child. You have what it takes if you are seeking help here, so remember your strength when you feel weak. We are all rooting for you.

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