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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Re: Angry at an ex
Aug 22, 2005
My situation is sort of parallel to yours in that my ex husband cheated on me and I knew it and yet I stayed. I thought it was out of love, but I know now that it was for the familiarity of the family life - although is was always chaotic and angry when he was here. I chose to take the easy way for me and that was to stay. I had thought about leaving 11 years ago but was talked out of it by many different people - I now regret it. But now he is spreading all kinds of rumors about me that aren't true and I'm more angry at myself for not leaving when I first wanted to or for not busting them all the times that I could have over the last 4 years. We're divorced for 1.5 yrs now so I don't know why he still insists on trying to find "dirt" on me other than the fact that he continues to want to shed a bad light on me so that others can see that the divorce wasn't all HIS fault - but I never claimed it was. I think he's just feeling guilty. But it still makes me angry that he did wrong and got what he wanted and I'm taking all of the responsibility of being a parent to our kids while he plays "fun dad" with them and his girlfriend when he has them. I'm angry because now I can't trust anyone enough to let them close to me to find new friendships so I isolate myself and of course have no boyfriend. I sometimes explode with that anger. However, I have tried through medications and meditations to rid myself of some of it. For instance, I look at the situation from the aspect that it affects my kids and it is definitely better this way for them to still have the stability of me as their "parent" while finally seeing their dad as someone other than a screaming angry person that lays in bed and watches TV all day. I think its a good thing that they see him in a relationship that is loving and not the horrible atmosphere that they had when we were married. They need to see what a real relationship is. Look at the positives for your child - no matter what the relationship is for you with the child's father, if he shows an interest in the child then allow him time to bond. So what if its "fun time"? A child will always know who they can count on when it really matters and that will be you! You get the pleasure of not having to share those hugs and sweet kisses with someone who doesn't appreciate them as much as you do. And eventually you will find someone who will love you and your baby for who you are and not just because they "have" to.

Take care of yourself and that baby!


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