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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Husband needs help
Aug 1, 2005
I havenít posted on this board before, but I have a question about my husband and hope someone has some advice. In general, my husband is one of the kindest and most gentle people you could ever hope to meet. However, he has a very explosive temper, and it is in complete contradiction to his usual character. He has never been violent and would never dream of it, but when he gets angry about something, he lashes out at people (usually me) and regrets what he says later, but he canít seem to stop himself. When he feels this kind of rage, I can literally see a physical change come over him. It is frustration blown way out of proportion. He has terrible road rage too, to the point that he will tail drivers that have made some minor slight against him, itís as if he wants revenge or something. Itís not healthy.
What worries me about this is that I have found out that his father was physically and verbally abusive to his wife and children, as well as his own mother. My husband was terribly hurt by this as a child, and never discusses it. His parents got a divorce over it, and his dad later saw a doctor and found out that he has some sort of condition (Iím not clear on what itís called or any of the details) where his body produces an excess of adrenaline. He is on some kind of medication for it, but we donít see him much and I donít know how much it has helped. Though my husband has never been as aggressive as his dad and never been violent, I am troubled by some of the similarities that I see between my husband and his dad (Iíve learned all this though talking to my mother in law). For instance, they both have a tendency to blame others for any frustration they feel. If I ask my husband to change my tire for instance, and something goes wrong or he bumps his head or something like that, he will fly into a rage and blame me for everything because I canít drive and treated my tire badly or some strange nonsense like that.
Does anyone know of a physical condition that causes this kind of behavior, or is this purely a behavioral problem? He admits that he has a problem and is willing to seek help, should we contact his doctor about this, or should we talk to a counselor or psychiatrist? Would some kind of medication help him? He does go to the gym to work out regularly, and I know that helps somewhat. He is rather shy, and it would be VERY difficult to get him to open up and talk to anyone about himself or his past. I guess Iím just looking for advice or feedback about what we should do. I find myself walking on eggshells around him and it is eroding the closeness of our marriage, I've talked to him about it and he is willing to do what he needs to to save our marriage. Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this.

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