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Anger Management Message Board


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Brief background: I'm a single mom of a 16 year old girl, Cara. I had married her stepdad several years ago, and we divorced 2 years ago, and moved back into our old house (which was the house my dad grew up in). In the past year or so, her schoolwork has gotten worse, and finally in April of this year, it got really out of control when she ran up a $580 cell phone bill. It was a Sunday afternoon when I saw the bill (online) and approached her about - I was not yelling or anything, I just went to her and started talking about it to her.

Well, she just lost control of herself, and started taking pictures and mirrors off the walls in the hallway and throwing them and smashing them. I had to call my parents who came over immediately. It was a really bad scene.

The next day, Mom took her to the doctor (I had to work), and the doctor put her on Lexapro. Well, over the last few months, she's improved somewhat, with the occasional flareup but nothing that wasn't resolved fairly quickly.

Now, for the past few weeks, I know that she has been getting involved in a relationship between her ex-boyfriend (Corey) and his girlfriend (Krystal). Cara has been sending instant messages to her talking about how Corey cheats on her, etc. Also, they have all been text messaging on their cell phones back and forth with this garbage - saying some really *nasty* words back and forth that I don't approve of.

Anyway, this past Sunday evening, Cara comes in the living room and tells me she wants to change her cell phone number, and there's no charge to do it. She told me it was because "some people" were calling her and she didn't want to talk to them. So I told her that I was proud of her and that was a great idea.

Then on Tuesday, she called Grandma (she tried to get me at work but I was out of the office in a meeting) and talked to her a few minutes, telling her that Corey and Krystal were harassing her at school. Grandma said this seemed to calm her down,and she never asked to come home. Cara told Grandma I could call the counselor and tell her what was going on, which I did. The counselor met with Cara a few minutes and gave her some pointers on how to avoid the situation, etc.

Well, when I picked her up that afternoon (she stays with Grandma/Grandpa after school), she was in a good mood......at first. Then, she saw a guy walking a dog and she decided that she wanted "another dog". Now, we've had this discussion before, and she knows that we just cannot afford another dog, plus grandparents don't want another dog in the house, etc. So I started trying to explain this again to her, and she just blew up at me. It got worse as the evening went on.

Close to bedtime, she went and got in her bed and started throwing things at the bedroom door. I tried to talk to her calmly, but once she gets to this stage, there is NO way to talk or reason with her. Then she started blaring her music so I couldn't go to sleep.

Finally, she wore herself out and turned off the music and went to sleep. She got up and went to school Wednesday. Well, Wednesday evening, she was fine at the grandparents' house, then started giving me hell on the way home again - even punched me three times in my right arm. It still hurts today. She started cussing me, everything.

When we got home, I went on and called Grandma because I knew I just couldn't spend another nite like the previous nite, so she was going to stay at our house, while I went to their house so I could get some rest and be able to go to work and function on Thursday. Then Cara decided she wanted to go "stay with Michele (her friend) for a couple of nights". Grandma and I decided that would be fine - maybe we just needed some time apart.

Last night, Thursday, we had another counseling session. Cara didn't stay in there not even 5 minutes, saying she just didn't feel like talking. So I met and talked with them for the whole hour. It helped me a little bit. They reminded me that I need to take care of myself.

Anyway - my plan now is to take her to the doctor on Saturday morning (tomorrow) to get her thyroid levels checked and just a complete physical. Personally, I just do not believe that all of her actions are just "teenage" issues - I really believe that there is something "physically" wrong going on inside her.

The next thing I dread is getting her to the doctor. And when she realizes she'll have to give blood, or at least get a finger stuck, she is NOT going to be happy because she does NOT like doing that. But she will just HAVE to - it's not an option at this point. Plus, she needs to be getting a physical anyway.

I'm just at the point where I'm scared of her when I'm alone with her and she gets angry. It's sad to be a parent who is scared of her own child. Very scary and very sad.

I love her SO much - and when she is acting "normal", she is a blessing to be around. She is very talened, creative, funny, smart. But it's not showing in her school work, as all she can seem to focus on is the *drama* going on around her.

My parents even talked to my dad's doctor yesterday, and he said that if it got that bad again, that I should not have any reservations about calling the police. And that maybe they could get through to her. That scares me to death. I told my parents I really want to look into any physical problems she might have first - as I really believe that she can be helped.

Plus, like my counselors said last night, maybe she needs another medication instead of Lexapro. Lee's wife has panic attacks, and he said it took her trying 4 different meds before she finally found one that *worked* on her. He said she's now like a totally, new and better person! So, I may ask about changing her medication.

Well......thanks for letting me vent. I just adore my Cara - she is my heart and soul - and it breaks my heart into pieces to see her hurting and not to know what to do or how to fix it for her. But, maybe this step in getting a physical and her thyroid stuff checked will be a first huge step toward getting my precious daughter back.

Carole





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