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Anger Management Message Board

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My story
Mar 28, 2006
Firstly I would like to say hi to everyone that takes the time to read this and i hope i aint breaking any rules or regulations.
My name is Ricky,I am a 19yr old boy who up untill recently was living with my grandmother. In the last 3yrs I have been heavly addicted to Weed and extacsy pills and diognosed with Aspergess syndrome(spelt wrong i think).
For the last 3yrs i have been extremely aggresive towards my family or atleast thats what i believed to be true.I believed that since it was only for the 3yrs it must be down to a drug problem because everyone keept telling me how drugs givve you mood swings so i put it down to this.I was very wrong!!!

See i used to be very aggresive if i didnt get my own way kinda like a child if there was somthing i wanted Money,clothes etc and i was told i couldnt have it i would start an arguement but not a small arguement,A huge row where i would scream,shout,swear and somtimes use physical violence.I would say the the most hurtfull of things to my family over the most petty of things. Things like bringing up past abusive relationships my mother has had and say things like it was her fault and how she deserved it or pretty much throwing everything my nan has done for me in the past 20yrs back in her face and I once even kicked a door as hard as i could into my 55yr old grandmother.

It got so bad that i used to scare my lil brother who is 9 to the point where he wouldnt eat/sleep for days.i used to beat him up,and everytime it didnt feel like i had done somthing that wrong,A punch here and kick there it really didnt seem that bad but now i realise how bad it was.It got to the point where my family were to scared to tell me i had a problem incase i blew up and started a fight.

Now i've lost them all,I have no family,no place to live and no support.Why? because one day enough really was enough and i got a taste of my own medicen,a petty little arguement turned into a full blown row and i found myself on the recieving end of a few home truths of my own.things like it not being down to my drug problem beacuse i was like this all my life.its funny cos i didnt even think about it till i was told and they were right i have always had this problem,i was just hiding behind the drugs because it seemed like an easy solution right quit drugs and eveything will be fine no more mr angry,mr mood swings,mr ungreatfull.But thats wrong even after i quit drugs for 3months i still had the anger inside me,the resentment the jealousy and the hate.
I guess the reason im writing this very long piece! is because I have a problem and it took me losing everything ive ever cared about befor i realised it.I need help and theres noone left to help me so i hope even if theres just one person who reads this and it helps them to realise just how much they could lose in that split second it takes for the anger to kick in,so they dont end up like me beacuse i can tell you it's a dark and lonely place out there on your own and in the end you will be more angry with yourself for what you've lost than youve ever been at somone/somthing else.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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