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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


Re: Please help me
Jun 11, 2006
Di,
I am a 45 age female soon to be 46 and I've suffered from having anger problems for half my life. I don't quite remember when it started, but being that you were traumatized and have not recieved help, it sounds this hurt as been kept inside and needs to come out.
I also was told that anger can represent depression and the patient isn't even aware they're depressed.
I had uncontrolabel bouts of crying in my car while driving, or in the bathroom at work if I got real flustered, yet I fought the idea of gettting on medication.
I tried it my way, only to find out, I wasted so many yrs thinking I'd get better on my own, or that really I didn't have a problem when in fact I really did.
I am now diagnosed with "GAD". which means, general anxiety disorder.
I don't get panick attacks, I can be in crowds, I don't fear things, but my mind and my central nervous system was always working on overtime which can be exhausting to the person mentally and phsycially, so the least little thing that over stimulated me would set me off. I used to say, anything that moved in my periphial vision would get spat at verbally.
I can laugh now, but It was and still can be a real hell for me.
it's like a curse. people who don't have an anger problem don't undrestand the person who is afflicted with this disorder. I call it a disorder. It interferes with my family llife, my work life now, and even my health is effected by it.
it is a true medical condition that needs to be treated before you get worst. and you're so young. so don't let this anger destroy you.
it will make a an angry, bitter, cynical woman before your time.
I have this deep CREASE between my brows and find myself getting a glimpse in the car mirror from time to time and have to stop my thoughts that is making me feel miserable and I say to myself" Is this what I look like to others"?
now I have my co-workers and including my boss, who says they're tired of walking on egg shells around me.
on the exterior I look like this well, put together, kind spirited woman, but inside I am this raging beast ready to attack verbally anyone or anything that says anything to hurt my feelings. if anyone is arrogant with me, I spit right back at them. and then I get looked at like I"m the weird one.
when really all I was doing was defending myself from being disrespected by some egotistical witch who thinks they're better than others.
yes, I do have low self esteem which only magnifies my problems.
It's me that makes myself angry. I used to think it was others making me feel that way. I'd blame everyone else but myself.
so I went and got help.
it helped save my life. I don't see gray anymore. it was like having a thin gauze of material over my eyes daily. I didn't have joy anymore, I wasn't baking and making pastries anymore like I used to take such pride. I was exhausted where all I wanted to do was go to bed. I couldn't WAIT till fiveo'clock came around so I can go home.
I am taking prozac, 40 mg. which they start you off on a lower dosage at first, and it's good for treating anxiety as well as depression. It does NOT make you gain weight, and it doesn't make you feel any side effects.
it's like a miracle drug and I thank the chemists who worked on producing this magic pill. plus I go for weekly therapy with a therapist which helps immensly.

I would advise you to please see a doctor and right away so you don't have to suffer any longer than you have. don't be embarrassed because most of the world has the same problems too. It's not only us. I used to be embarrassed and fought the idea that I was weak that I had to get help for something I tried to control.

I wish you all strength and determination. because that's what we need to deal with this ever lasting feature of myself that I am now facing and trying to end.

sincerely,
Linda





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