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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Okay im a quiet shy kinda person. im the one teachers and pupils refer to as the shy timid one and gentle. yes i do have crap self eeteem at times(okay alot) and people sumtimes make me nervous or just feel like dirt for no reason. but im not an angry person towards them.

at home tho im so different, im the loud one, im the opinionated and argumentative one that every1 has either a tiff with or has to shout at every day, several time a day usually. fior sum reason tho i just get so angry i cant control it, it feels physical also the anger. heres an example of sumthing that happnes every few months to this extent, the rest of the time its minor arguements but still feel almost as bad:

my bro snapped at me in the car, i snapped back. my mom took his side and they both came at me so i said that if he wud speak like that 2 me id do the same back. she yelled at me for my tone so then i made a conscious effort to speak in a dull flat tone and not raise my voice. i attemtped to blow the whole thibng over and just got out of the car, but mom was furious. she was calling me a ***** and ungrateful and all that crap. she said about having manners and i said i got them from her(in the flat tone),she was raging and went to hit me, i flinched and she put her hand down and yelled(im 17 a bit old to be smacked).

as we walked thru the front door she was still calling me a *****, i said nothing and just kept walking-as ive learnt arguing makes it worse, i can never win even if i am rite so dont bother much now. i said that id just go and do the thing i had to do myself instead, she followed me down the hall snapping insults and shouting(my mom has a problem of just not letting go), i sighed and told her i didnt want to argue cos shes always rite anyway so there is no point. as i went to walk out the door she grabbed it while trying to grab me, as i walked thru the door she slammed it and it went rite down on my finger. it was sooo painful i felt like id bin hit with a hammer several times and i was worried it was broke cos it made a crunching noise.

my moms face winced a bit cos she new what she had done but wasnt going to admit it. i flew at her down the hall way screaming hystericlally. i was in the kitchen shouting to the point were my voice broke. i went rite in her face shouting, calling her abitch, she was cowering over trying to cover her face as i bent over her with my face so close i was pressed against her face screaming *****. i cud not control myself, i wanted to hit her and punch her as hard as i cud but i was aware id be thrown outta the house. my brother who is youinger than me(13) stepped in, he looked terrified and told me to get away. i then started punching him(not in the face) telling him to bugger off and piss off, later i found out he ended up crying. mom stopped me and told me to get out of the house. but i just ran up to my room.

but wen these things happen, or even a slight tiff happens i go up and punch my legs as hard as i can, they swell up and get bruised. i cut and last time i started to bang my head off the wall(not hard-it just gave me sumthing to focus on and concentrate on, like keeping my sanity). suicide enters my head and i want to die(wudnt do it tho but its like my skin is itching for it), im on the floor crying so hard for hours this can be or more. i have hidden depression for 3 years, eating probs and sum secrets at times, but its gone now, i hardly feel dispair nemore(i dont feel much), i function, yes things annoy me and im known in the house as irratable and ratty, i snap at people apparently now without even itiching i do it(but there is always sumthing that sets me off that they say-they dont realise it either). but im scared cos i sumtimes i worry ill hurt sum1 i love. if it was sum1 outside the house i just dont seem to get angry even if i try or if it is for gd reason, im a laid back quiet person but totally diff at home and it makes me feel fake and like a *****.

i just get frustarted cos they have no idea altho id never tell them, the slightest raise in tone and ill have a meltdown in my room, and to them its nuthing.its frustarting cos i cant get thru to them about much, in an argument or even if they know im rite or have no arguement, they just tell me to shut up or bugger off and roll there eyes-thats the worst cos i feel worthless, like im back at my old school and that is one thing in this world that severly infuriates me. i cant control myself like this, ive kicked dents in bins, kicked off the skirting boards round the living room,thrown papers about, lifted food and thrown it, kicked walls and punched tables, i wanted to smash a plate once too but only just restrained myself. i swear and shout and push my dog if im pissed off, or sumtimes out of nowehere i have a sudden burst of anger i cant control over sumthing so stupid or insignificant, its like fury on the edge of tears. i love my dog( i wanted to be a veterinary nurse too-i wud do anything for animals but i just direct it at the dog) and my family to death, im a lucky person and they are good to me but sumtimes i get so angry. does this sound like i have a problem with my anger-any1 else the same, ne idea y?? xox thanx plz help me
Hi, thanx 4 replying. ur rite about feeling guilty. yes there is a stage were i feel like i want to hurt them so much, but then i realise wen i get upstairs in my room and am doing this stuff, its not them im angry at as much its myself. the incindent goes out of my head and im focusing on the past and how im alone again. itsd frustration and i feel like my skin is crawling to do sumthing or get out, im trapped and i cant go anywhere.

u say sumtimes u get angry and explode like i do wen sumthing small happens. sumtimes i get that if im in a bad mood, like i get up in the morning and feel like crap for no reason, i dont want to see any1 and get angry if sum1 comes in on me or just says hello. i cant explain it, but wen this happens i try my best to keep it in, if i dont i know ill be to blame cos it is overreacting to scream at sum1 that says hello-but i cant help how i feel, angry.

i know lots of people get angry from time to time, but i dont hear of others going crazy(i looked crazy wen im doing it) over small things. do u think this is a problem, im 17 and i shudnt be acting like im 7 yrs old throwing a tantrum. im not proud of it and i dont like arguing but i just feel so angry sumtimes. thanx xox

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