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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


I am SO worried that one of these days that i'll get so upset at my partner that our relationship is going to end. He has been really stressin me out and my depression is making me feel i am not worthy to even be in a relationship or start a family with him because i am such a nasty person because i get mad at him.

Today, he really took the p**s about sorting something out and i got soo upset and angry and just cried and cried then when i finally got a chance to speak to him i said alot of hurtful things, like, i fink i'm starting to regret being with him and things would be different if we were not together.
I always end up saying hurtfull things when i'm angry.

I dont kno if it my depression talkin but he had been awkward towards me for a few weeks and i'm always afraid i'm going to end up cryin myself to sleep. BUT he is also going thru a very stressfull time and i want to help him but hes always saying he needs me and then he says he can sort things out alone and sometimes raises his voice very loud to get his point across (i dnt think he means to yell) when i try offer advice.

But then when we see each other, we kinda talk about the arguing for a few mins then everything goes back to being normal. Is that strange?? I get worried cuz i feel we're not sorting anything out and we're just pushing things aside.

He mentioned that he's very afraid of my bad temper and worries that if we get in a argument that i might cheat on him out of anger. I never thought of this before because i just tend to self harm when i'm angry but now i'm stressing about if it could happen. I haven't got it in me to cheat on him and i have never done anything to anyone, especially not to him, but i am still worried. I think maybe i'm worried because i'm bipolar and i am new to it and i dont know how i would act if i was to get very angry.
I do feel abit neglected in the relationship, ignored and not appreciated but he said things will be better as soon as hes better mentally. My problem is that i dont have any patience but i really want to learn ways to cope with my anger so i dont ever hurt his feelings or do anythings stupid.

Anyone got any advice? I was thinking of learning some anger management techniques and maybe take up yoga or even some form of martial arts, I'm not sure. I'm just so desperate to have control of my emotiond and sort my anger out, i do not want to lose my paertner or make him miserable.

It could also be my medication that makes me extra angry and i am due to change soon, so maybe things will imrove there.

I would appreciate any advice. Thank You.

xx
Hi,

I'm not a professional but it seems like you have several issues to deal with. It's very possible that your medication is causing your extreme emotions and limiting your ability to control them. Your first step should be to get that fixed. Tell your doctor exactly what you posted so a change can be made immediately to help you. Many medications for depression can take time to work but getting rid of any problems the med is causing will help right away.

Then you need to start determining where your depression and low self-esteem is coming from. Only when you get to the root of the problem can you start to work on healing. You won't be able to do this alone. You will need a professional to help you with this. From there, you can also work on relaxation and calming methods. Many of these can be done on your own. Yoga is a great idea. It will help you relax, strengthen your body, and release endorphins which everyone needs to maintain pleasure and balance in their lives.

You also seem to have some communication issues with your partner. Begin by telling him that you don't like the way you feel and react and you want to change that. Ask him if he will support your effort to do this and give you time and encouragement. But he also seems to need some help too. See if he is open to attending couples counseling or communication classes. Many of these are set up to appeal to those who are wary of regular counseling sessions.

I've used this method many times in relationships where communication has not been the best part of the relationship. If you drink alcohol, buy a nice bottle of wine or if not, some good sparkling grape juice. Both of you should be dressed in comfortable loose clothing. Bathrobes or PJs are great. Turn out the lights and have only one or two softly scented candles. No overpowering scents but soothing ones like lilac or lavendar. Even the cotten linen ones are nice. Have af ew sips first to get relaxed and give you time to start. Sit on the couch or on pillows on the floor back to back leaning into each other and hold hands. You can start but you want to take turns talking without either of you dominating the conversation. Never start a sentence with "You", always use "I". For example: don't say "You make me feel nervous that we are going to break up." Say "I feel nervous about us and I want to talk about it and see what you think."

Be focused on talking softly. Whisper if you have to so you don't raise your voice. Sitting in the dark will make each of you more comfortable in letting out real feelings. Sitting in this position will make you feel connected and supportive of each other. Be as open and honest as possible with no accusations. Try to focus on what you feel and why you think you feel that way. Once you both make your feelings known, ask what the other thinks you can both do to correct the issues. Can you solve it together? Do you need outside help? Do you need to each work on yourselves by yourselves?

If at any time, one of you gets angry, agree from the beginning, that the other will say Break and all conversation will stop while you both breathe deeply for several minutes together, then start over.

This sounds too easy but you will be amazed at what feelings come out. Many times you will feel so relieved and so close after a session. You may only need one session or you may need to repeat them every so often until eveything is in the open.

Good luck to you! You have courage and a deep sense of wanting to continue to grow in your relationship but you will need help in getting there.





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