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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Hmm...I don't like the sound of don't have to deal with "your own problems"...they're ONLY your problems because he MAKES them your problems. It is NOT your responsibility to handle your boyfriend's issues. It's his and his only.

You say this is the best way you've been treated your whole life...I find that sad, since you mustn't have been treated very well, however I KNOW that you can find someone who treats you great WITHOUT any of this stress and anger and fear you're experiencing now...whether that person is your current boyfriend remains to be seen.

Actually, you DO have one responsibility in this - you have to seriously make your boyfriend see you are serious about your feelings in this...if he honestly thinks you're joking well...maybe you can't blame him entirely...although anyone who thinks that his sort of behaviour to ANYONE, let alone his own girlfriend, is normal and cause for joking and not a serious matter clearly has other problems as well.

May I just say that yeah, I do understand that he treats you fine at all other times. I know how it is. I'm the same with my partner. 99% of the time we're excellent, but that never excuses the other 1% of the time when I can act terribly towards her...just because your relationship is great most of the time doesn't mean these problems don't exist then. They're always there, they're just lying dormant under the surface until the behaviour occurs again, and so the cycle repeats.

Now, I don't think he'll necessarily progress to the state that whoever posted right before this post says...but my main point now is that yes, he treats you well mostly...but the very fact that he DOES behave like this towards you AT ALL shows a MAJOR lack of respect. He may love you to the best of his ability and capacity but without respect, well...the love tends to be self-serving. You make HIM feel good and so...when it's convenient and he feels good, he treats you well because why not? It's not a privilege to be treated well by anyone, it's a RIGHT. Simple as that. Don't expect poor treatment and be GRATEFUL that most of the time he's good to you.

When he doesn't feel good and/or you're not (or can't) make him feel good, what happens. You've already seen how he behaves. And this is why it's not your responsibility. You can't control or be responsible for how HE feels. If he feels bad, you can't (and shouldn't have to) fix it.

I learnt this a while ago. You are responsible for your own feelings.

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