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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

I deal w/ anger and I don't know how to control it. EVERYTHING sets me off. And I can't let it go. I deal w/ cyclothymia, OCPD, and bulimia. Right now my bulimia is under control...but it pops back up from time to time.

With my other two things going on....what it boils down too is I have a need for control...order....the OCPD....I have to have things in my home and environment...neat and clean...not like complete perfectionism...but just neat and clean and this feeling of organization. I need to feel like things are running smooth and going well. When things start to feel like they are not running well....I get very aggitated. It takes VERY little to set me off. I don't have set routines that are the same every day. It's not like I get up at the same time every day and do this thing first and then do that thing first but it's like every day I know I have certain things I want accomplished each day by set times and when I feel those things are not getting down...I feel my control slipping and I lose it.
Take this post for example. I want to get it out. I want to get my thoughts down. I have a kitchen to get cleaned. I have in the back of my mind what I want to get done. In the background my daughters are fighting. The more times I have to stop and discipline them....the more I feel control over my schedule slipping. I get angry. I feel like if I could just have a few mins. I could get this post out and move on. But I have to keep stopping for the same things with them. And I get so AGGITATED. I start out really calm. Saying all the right things a mom should say. Handle it well. But the more I have to stop and get up and address them for the same things...the more I loose that and soon I'm screaming at them and saying very mean cruel hurtful things. I just blow. 3/4 times into it and I'm done. Because I feel like we do this AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. All day long. constant. I hyper focus when I'm into a task too. They come up to me for the simplest thing and I just get angry and yell. Like how dare they ask me. Or sometimes I don't yell but I give this big sigh of frustration like how dare anyone pull me away from my task at hand of making a bed or washing the dishes, etc. I finally get everything cleaned and in order the way I feel it has to be....and my girls go in their rooms....they don't just play....they just start grabbing toys and DUMP...and within mins. they are out their doors and on to something else I start to shake and lose it. I'm so angry....and I scold them. sometimes I do it appropriatly and sometimes I really yell angry. But I'm always getting upset with them. My 5yr. old dubs me the mean mommy (ok...but bear in mind...[I]SHE[/I] laughs when she says it..even if I feel at times she probably has a point). Now not to imply I'm abusive with them. I mean come 5yr. old is so clingy to my side my husband dubs her our "tit baby"! She's my buddy! But my oldest and I definetly husband says it's because we are too much alike...we are both moody he says and we just butt heads all day long. I don't want to give you the wrong picture of "oh those poor abused children". They are definetly loved and well cared for. But at the same time....I recognized I have anger issues and I would like to get them under control.

Well.....anyway....bear w/ me...this rambling I do is a side of my cyclothymia and right now I'm in a bad cycle.

Look. Point of my post is I have these issues controlling my anger. I am very quick to anger and EVERYTHING....even the small things set me off. Sometimes I have an outburts and I yell (like scold my kids)....other times I'm just aggitated and my reaction is that of my children's behavior. I'm a stay-at-home I guess they get the brunt of this. They are who I I guess yeah...they are the trigger 9 times out of 10. But could be the cat that sets me off really! It could be myself when I'm loading laundry....try to shove it in the wash machine and it doesn't all go in the machine right and I smash my finger or something.

What are some things I can look into to help get myself under control? I currently take topamax (250mg) to help ease symptoms for certain things w/ the cyclothymia, OCPD, and bulimia. But obviously meds are not a 100% cureall to everything. Are there things anyone here does for themself that I can try? I mean as fast as you can snap your fingers is as fast as I can become aggitated/annoyed or explosively angry. And I'd like to work on bringing this back under control again.

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