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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

First I would like to say that I also think you have borderline personality disorder. I have been in counseling for 16 of my 24 years and I just recently found out about this disorder, I had been mistakenly diagnosed with bipolar. I would like you to know that this is the second time I am typing all of this since my computer lost my first submission, so I want you to know how important this is. First thing is that you are getting angry at all of the things people are posting b/c it is true, and you don't want to believe those things about yourself. Second, bpd is responsible for many actions including but not limited too agression, implusive spending, depression, inability to hold a job, and many other things. There are several wonderful books on this disorder. I feel the first thing you need to do is check your health insurance benefits. If you have insurance most plans cover therapy and inpatient hospitilization. If you don't have insurance check into and charity hospitals in your area most of the time they have a waiting list so get on it, and also most states have a program that includes free counseling and medication. I have personally checked myself into a hospital 3 times. I will tell you from expierience that the first few days will not be pleasant, but the next few days will be like a rebirth, especially since you really haven't been in long term therapy before. Most people with bpd don't feel sympathy for others, which inhibits their want to get help. If you truely are tired of feeling the way you do about yourself for the way you live your life, you will go to a hospital. It may seem embarrasing to go to an inpatient treatment, but think about how embarrasing it will be to have your husband leave you (which he will), you are unable to get a job b/c of your condition, and you are homeless and destitue. You also say that you can't control your actions. I understand how you feel, but that doesn't give you the right to not walk away. I know how that feeling feels, you feel like you are going to explode if you hold your pain in any longer, like you gave the example of your husband not hearing you when you asked for a drink, that reaction is also bpd in your heart you felt like he ignored you on purpose, that he was not listening to you to be spiteful and you felt horrible to be treated this way, you wanted to make him feel like you do at this moment, STOP go outside and kick a tree, throw a chair or a stick outside. Get an old piece of furniture and break it, do anything but hit your husband. You can control yourself, you just have to learn how to, and the first step is to go to the hospital. There is so much else to this disorder that I think if you buy a book on bpd you will be shock about how much it sounds like you. I wonder if you have ever heard the Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Please go get help, you can come up with a million exucses not to, and I can give you two million to go to the hospital. You do not have the right to abuse another human, or to blame your actions on other people, you are doing this to your husband, and you must take responsibity for your actions, you will never become a better person unless you do.
After you leave the hospital there are several exercises you can do, the first is meditating, writing in a journal, getting up and cleaning the house, you may not want to, but it will make you feel better. Find a hobby like sewing or gardening. The last thing that I would like to say is that you can qualify for disability, but you have to have been diagnosed for 2 years first, you really need to go get help and start the healing process, your husband is your support, and believe me after he is gone it will be much harder to get better alone....
Hi Rita, :wave:

I am new to this board, but have been lurking for some time now. I want you to know that I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through! I too feel angry or irritable from the minute I get up, until I go to bed. The smallest thing can set me off, because I am always on edge and ready to explode.

In one of your prior posts, you gave an example how the smallest things can set you off and your example described me. The example that I am speaking of, was when you were helping your husband with the laundry and the clothes hangers got all tangled up. You said that something as trivial as that, really pissed you off. I thought I was the only one who felt like this.

Rita, I have to admit that I too, am guilty of hitting my husband. I am a very controlling person and things have got to be my way most of the time or I get mad. I know that I shouldn't be this way, nor should I do the things that I do, but I just can't help it or stop it. I have been trying to figure out why I feel like this, and I have come up with some things that I feel may be my problem.

I have been analyzing myself and my actions, and I believe that the feelings that I listed below, are the things that contribute to my anger and insecurities.

1. I feel as though I love my husband more then he could ever love me.
(This makes me feel very insecure, to the point that I hate myself because no one would ever want me, and that makes me very angry and hateful)
2. I have low self-esteem, and I am very insecure.
(I feel like my husband could have been with someone nicer and prettier then me, so I am constantly worrying that he will meet someone better).
3. Sometimes I feel my husband only stays with me out of fear or because he feels sorry for me.
(This makes me feel unloved and I resent myself for making him feel that way)
4. My husband will let me do whatever I want, such as, go to a night club or go away for the weekend or whatever I want to do.
(This makes me feel like he doesn't care for me and doesn't want to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with him, and that really pisses me off. I think that is a control issue with me because I can't make him change the way he feels)
5. I never want to go out and do things, because I don't want him to look at any other girls, and think how he got stuck with me, so we never do anything.
(This makes me angry because, I want to do things and go places, but I know we will fight because I will start accusing him of things)
6. I always think my husband is doing something wrong, the minute he walks out the door to go to work.
(This makes me so angry because I think of negative things all day, and then it builds up until the point that when he gets home, we argue and fight)
7. My husband NEVER worries about anything nor does he ever get mad.
(I don't know why this pisses me off, but it does)
8. My husband lacks common sense and is an air head most of the times.
(Don't know why, but this pisses me off because it puts a lot of pressure on me)

So as you can see, I have alot of issues, but I don't know what to do or how to change them! :confused:

My husband and I have been together for 17 years, and I don't know how much more he is going to take. I know that he has to be tired of all the fighting we do, because I know I am. I am also tired of feeling the way I do. I want to, and need to, get a hold of all this anger and rage that I feel inside, and learn how to get rid of it.

One thing I can honestly say is, the difference between you and I is, my husband does stand up for himself. He will tell me off in a heartbeat, and sometimes when I am really pissed and ready to hit him, he will urge me on by saying "come on B****, give me your best shot! For some reason, when we get into a huge aurgument, and I don't feel like fighting back (which isn't to often) that is when he will instigates me until I freak out. Sometimes when I do try to walk away, he chases after me, gets in my face and starts screaming. I have tried leaving the house on several occasions to calm down so I don't hit him, but he just takes my car keys, and when he does that, it pisses me off more and that is when we go at it.

All I know is that I am at the point that I feel really bad about the way I treat him because afterall, he is a very good husband and father. He does help me around the house, he cooks, cleans, he does laundry, and any other household chores that I need help with. He has always helped me with the kids, even when they were babies. He never had a problem with getting up in the middle of the night to feed the babies ao I could sleep. H ealso never had a problem changing their diapers.

So as you can see Rita, we do have a lot in common. I wish I had some advice for you, but I am also dealing with the same issues as you are. I would also like to add, that I don't think that you are crazy nor do I think a institution would help you in any way. If I thought being institutionalized would help me, I would have done it already. I did however take the first steps towards getting my anger under control, and that is by seeing a Psychiatrist on a weekly basis. I have been seeing him for a little over a month now, and I haven't noticed any changes in my behavior, but maybe I have to give it some time. I think one of my major problems is, I don't think anything or anyone can ever change the way I feel, nor get rid of all this anger that I have on a daily basis.

If anyone has any suggestions or opinions on my dilema, I am more then willing to give anything a try at this point.

Thanks for listening.
RitaF, If you truly love your husband you'll get help. It's not called a phychward because you're crazy, that's an instition. It's called that because it deals with psychological issues. My friend's husband is bi-polar. He used to beat her. What you are doing to your husband is abuse and who's to say that one day you won't throw something at him that seriously injures him or kills him?
Then will you seek help. Don't let your anger make you lose someone you love and somone who cherishes you.
My friends husband got diagnosed and started meds about 3 years ago. He has told me that he feels more relaxed and things don't anger him the way they used to and the beatings stopped. He felt the same way about my friend that you do about your husband. He felt she should have known better or walked on egg-shells to keep from triggering him. That is not normal!!!
He didn't know how bad it was until he actually started his meds. It took a bit for him to see the difference. Now he has a better relationship with his wife and daughter and he actually looks forward to his days.
You do need to take responsibility for yourself. If you don't you will never gain any control over it and you'll find yourself in hot water soon enough. Should someone hear you during a fight and call the cops they will take you away just as fast as they take a man away.
I'm not saying to blame yourself for being bi-polar, but it's up to you to make sure it is treated. I read a site one day about rage and it talked about a man who dearly loved his wife and was a good person (as I'm sure you are) and one day he flew into such a rage that he killed her. Because he denied his rage problem and never sought help he is spending 18 yrs. behind bars and a lifetime of lonely and his wife no longer lives at all. Get the help you need before you are forced to it and suffer the consequences. It's not too late to stop, but there will come a time when it's just tooo late.

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