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Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Hi Rita, :wave:

I am new to this board, but have been lurking for some time now. I want you to know that I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through! I too feel angry or irritable from the minute I get up, until I go to bed. The smallest thing can set me off, because I am always on edge and ready to explode.

In one of your prior posts, you gave an example how the smallest things can set you off and your example described me. The example that I am speaking of, was when you were helping your husband with the laundry and the clothes hangers got all tangled up. You said that something as trivial as that, really pissed you off. I thought I was the only one who felt like this.

Rita, I have to admit that I too, am guilty of hitting my husband. I am a very controlling person and things have got to be my way most of the time or I get mad. I know that I shouldn't be this way, nor should I do the things that I do, but I just can't help it or stop it. I have been trying to figure out why I feel like this, and I have come up with some things that I feel may be my problem.

I have been analyzing myself and my actions, and I believe that the feelings that I listed below, are the things that contribute to my anger and insecurities.

1. I feel as though I love my husband more then he could ever love me.
(This makes me feel very insecure, to the point that I hate myself because no one would ever want me, and that makes me very angry and hateful)
2. I have low self-esteem, and I am very insecure.
(I feel like my husband could have been with someone nicer and prettier then me, so I am constantly worrying that he will meet someone better).
3. Sometimes I feel my husband only stays with me out of fear or because he feels sorry for me.
(This makes me feel unloved and I resent myself for making him feel that way)
4. My husband will let me do whatever I want, such as, go to a night club or go away for the weekend or whatever I want to do.
(This makes me feel like he doesn't care for me and doesn't want to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with him, and that really pisses me off. I think that is a control issue with me because I can't make him change the way he feels)
5. I never want to go out and do things, because I don't want him to look at any other girls, and think how he got stuck with me, so we never do anything.
(This makes me angry because, I want to do things and go places, but I know we will fight because I will start accusing him of things)
6. I always think my husband is doing something wrong, the minute he walks out the door to go to work.
(This makes me so angry because I think of negative things all day, and then it builds up until the point that when he gets home, we argue and fight)
7. My husband NEVER worries about anything nor does he ever get mad.
(I don't know why this pisses me off, but it does)
8. My husband lacks common sense and is an air head most of the times.
(Don't know why, but this pisses me off because it puts a lot of pressure on me)

So as you can see, I have alot of issues, but I don't know what to do or how to change them! :confused:

My husband and I have been together for 17 years, and I don't know how much more he is going to take. I know that he has to be tired of all the fighting we do, because I know I am. I am also tired of feeling the way I do. I want to, and need to, get a hold of all this anger and rage that I feel inside, and learn how to get rid of it.

One thing I can honestly say is, the difference between you and I is, my husband does stand up for himself. He will tell me off in a heartbeat, and sometimes when I am really pissed and ready to hit him, he will urge me on by saying "come on B****, give me your best shot! For some reason, when we get into a huge aurgument, and I don't feel like fighting back (which isn't to often) that is when he will instigates me until I freak out. Sometimes when I do try to walk away, he chases after me, gets in my face and starts screaming. I have tried leaving the house on several occasions to calm down so I don't hit him, but he just takes my car keys, and when he does that, it pisses me off more and that is when we go at it.

All I know is that I am at the point that I feel really bad about the way I treat him because afterall, he is a very good husband and father. He does help me around the house, he cooks, cleans, he does laundry, and any other household chores that I need help with. He has always helped me with the kids, even when they were babies. He never had a problem with getting up in the middle of the night to feed the babies ao I could sleep. H ealso never had a problem changing their diapers.

So as you can see Rita, we do have a lot in common. I wish I had some advice for you, but I am also dealing with the same issues as you are. I would also like to add, that I don't think that you are crazy nor do I think a institution would help you in any way. If I thought being institutionalized would help me, I would have done it already. I did however take the first steps towards getting my anger under control, and that is by seeing a Psychiatrist on a weekly basis. I have been seeing him for a little over a month now, and I haven't noticed any changes in my behavior, but maybe I have to give it some time. I think one of my major problems is, I don't think anything or anyone can ever change the way I feel, nor get rid of all this anger that I have on a daily basis.

If anyone has any suggestions or opinions on my dilema, I am more then willing to give anything a try at this point.

Thanks for listening.
RitaF, If you truly love your husband you'll get help. It's not called a phychward because you're crazy, that's an instition. It's called that because it deals with psychological issues. My friend's husband is bi-polar. He used to beat her. What you are doing to your husband is abuse and who's to say that one day you won't throw something at him that seriously injures him or kills him?
Then will you seek help. Don't let your anger make you lose someone you love and somone who cherishes you.
My friends husband got diagnosed and started meds about 3 years ago. He has told me that he feels more relaxed and things don't anger him the way they used to and the beatings stopped. He felt the same way about my friend that you do about your husband. He felt she should have known better or walked on egg-shells to keep from triggering him. That is not normal!!!
He didn't know how bad it was until he actually started his meds. It took a bit for him to see the difference. Now he has a better relationship with his wife and daughter and he actually looks forward to his days.
You do need to take responsibility for yourself. If you don't you will never gain any control over it and you'll find yourself in hot water soon enough. Should someone hear you during a fight and call the cops they will take you away just as fast as they take a man away.
I'm not saying to blame yourself for being bi-polar, but it's up to you to make sure it is treated. I read a site one day about rage and it talked about a man who dearly loved his wife and was a good person (as I'm sure you are) and one day he flew into such a rage that he killed her. Because he denied his rage problem and never sought help he is spending 18 yrs. behind bars and a lifetime of lonely and his wife no longer lives at all. Get the help you need before you are forced to it and suffer the consequences. It's not too late to stop, but there will come a time when it's just tooo late.

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