It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Anger Management Message Board

Anger Management Board Index

Hi Rita, :wave:

I am new to this board, but have been lurking for some time now. I want you to know that I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through! I too feel angry or irritable from the minute I get up, until I go to bed. The smallest thing can set me off, because I am always on edge and ready to explode.

In one of your prior posts, you gave an example how the smallest things can set you off and your example described me. The example that I am speaking of, was when you were helping your husband with the laundry and the clothes hangers got all tangled up. You said that something as trivial as that, really pissed you off. I thought I was the only one who felt like this.

Rita, I have to admit that I too, am guilty of hitting my husband. I am a very controlling person and things have got to be my way most of the time or I get mad. I know that I shouldn't be this way, nor should I do the things that I do, but I just can't help it or stop it. I have been trying to figure out why I feel like this, and I have come up with some things that I feel may be my problem.

I have been analyzing myself and my actions, and I believe that the feelings that I listed below, are the things that contribute to my anger and insecurities.

1. I feel as though I love my husband more then he could ever love me.
(This makes me feel very insecure, to the point that I hate myself because no one would ever want me, and that makes me very angry and hateful)
2. I have low self-esteem, and I am very insecure.
(I feel like my husband could have been with someone nicer and prettier then me, so I am constantly worrying that he will meet someone better).
3. Sometimes I feel my husband only stays with me out of fear or because he feels sorry for me.
(This makes me feel unloved and I resent myself for making him feel that way)
4. My husband will let me do whatever I want, such as, go to a night club or go away for the weekend or whatever I want to do.
(This makes me feel like he doesn't care for me and doesn't want to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with him, and that really pisses me off. I think that is a control issue with me because I can't make him change the way he feels)
5. I never want to go out and do things, because I don't want him to look at any other girls, and think how he got stuck with me, so we never do anything.
(This makes me angry because, I want to do things and go places, but I know we will fight because I will start accusing him of things)
6. I always think my husband is doing something wrong, the minute he walks out the door to go to work.
(This makes me so angry because I think of negative things all day, and then it builds up until the point that when he gets home, we argue and fight)
7. My husband NEVER worries about anything nor does he ever get mad.
(I don't know why this pisses me off, but it does)
8. My husband lacks common sense and is an air head most of the times.
(Don't know why, but this pisses me off because it puts a lot of pressure on me)

So as you can see, I have alot of issues, but I don't know what to do or how to change them! :confused:

My husband and I have been together for 17 years, and I don't know how much more he is going to take. I know that he has to be tired of all the fighting we do, because I know I am. I am also tired of feeling the way I do. I want to, and need to, get a hold of all this anger and rage that I feel inside, and learn how to get rid of it.

One thing I can honestly say is, the difference between you and I is, my husband does stand up for himself. He will tell me off in a heartbeat, and sometimes when I am really pissed and ready to hit him, he will urge me on by saying "come on B****, give me your best shot! For some reason, when we get into a huge aurgument, and I don't feel like fighting back (which isn't to often) that is when he will instigates me until I freak out. Sometimes when I do try to walk away, he chases after me, gets in my face and starts screaming. I have tried leaving the house on several occasions to calm down so I don't hit him, but he just takes my car keys, and when he does that, it pisses me off more and that is when we go at it.

All I know is that I am at the point that I feel really bad about the way I treat him because afterall, he is a very good husband and father. He does help me around the house, he cooks, cleans, he does laundry, and any other household chores that I need help with. He has always helped me with the kids, even when they were babies. He never had a problem with getting up in the middle of the night to feed the babies ao I could sleep. H ealso never had a problem changing their diapers.

So as you can see Rita, we do have a lot in common. I wish I had some advice for you, but I am also dealing with the same issues as you are. I would also like to add, that I don't think that you are crazy nor do I think a institution would help you in any way. If I thought being institutionalized would help me, I would have done it already. I did however take the first steps towards getting my anger under control, and that is by seeing a Psychiatrist on a weekly basis. I have been seeing him for a little over a month now, and I haven't noticed any changes in my behavior, but maybe I have to give it some time. I think one of my major problems is, I don't think anything or anyone can ever change the way I feel, nor get rid of all this anger that I have on a daily basis.

If anyone has any suggestions or opinions on my dilema, I am more then willing to give anything a try at this point.

Thanks for listening.
Hi Rita, :wave:

I am sorry that you are going through this because I know how you feel. If you are like me, I know that you have to be hurting inside. Sometimes I say to myself, "This is no way to live". I always think, if I left my husband I would be a better person and not have to go through all of this bull****, but I just can't let him go because I love him to much, and nobody else would love me or put up with me the way he does.

Rita, I want you to know that it took a lot of nerve for me to write my post, because some people can be very judgemental, but I had to let you know that you are not alone. I am sure people are going to look down on me now because of it, but it doesn't change what I am going through or my circumstances. This is how I see it, I just happen to fall in love with the one person that brings the worst of me out, but I love him to much to leave him. If he wants to stay and put up with me, thats his choice, because nobody is making him stay so he must be happy living this way.

Rita, sometimes we have the tendacy to blame everthing on ourselves because we know what we are doing is wrong. I am in no way saying that hitting our husbands is right, but did you ever think that he may push you or provoke you into doing it? In my situation, my husband will get in my face, which he knows I don't like, just to get some reaction from me. I swear he does the things that bother me the most just to piss me off. When I am full of rage, he will start laughing at me and start saying ignorant and degrading things until I hit him or throw something at him. For some reasons, he just knows how to push my buttons.

I think my major problem stems from depending on him to much! Before I met my husband, I was a very independant person who did everything for myself, and he took that all away from me. What I mean by this is, first of all, you have to understand how my husband is. My husband is very hyper, so he tries to keep himself very busy at all times. But my after having my second child, I had post partum blues big time, and couldn't function at all. My husband was always trying to help me out and would do anything and everything for me that I didn't feel like doing. My husband would do anything for me that I asked him to do, and since it kept him pretty busy, I took advantage of it not knowing that this would be a problem down the road. My husband would go to the store for me, run errands, help cook, clean, laundry and ect..... Well, I got so use to it and it became a routine. I expected him to do everything not knowing or realizing, that I was losing what little independance that I had left at the time. This went on for years until one day I said "enough"! I wanted to do all the things that I use to do, and get back into the groove of things. Then one day I went to the grocery store by myself, and as embarassing as it may seem, I was scared. I had not gone to a store by myself in years! I also tried going to go to the hairdressers' by myself, and let me tell you, it was very hard. My husband has driven me everywhere for years, so I wasn't use to being by myself. My husband and I are joined at the hip, so I don't go anywhere without him. He goes places without me, but I don't go anywhere without him! This is when I realized how much I need him, and I guess this is where are problems stem from. He is content with me being this way, but I'm not! He says it doesn't bother him that he carries most of the load, but I feel as though he is hurting me more then helping me. It really bothers me that I depend on some one this much, that it really scares me that I need him more then he needs me. I think he knows that he can do whatever he wants and say whatever he wants to, and I will put up with it because I depend on him so much, and that infuriates me and it makes me lash out on him!

I can only guess that all of my feelings of insecurity and being afraid of losing him, is because at this point in my life, I really do need him. I guess that I am guilty of trusting someone and thinking that they are looking out for best interest not knowing that this is a form of control on my husband parts.

Lately, I have been doing most of the chores, and that does make me feel better about myself. I do take little road trips to the store, but not that often. I have gone to the hairdressers twice now by myself, and my husband doesn't seem to happy with that. Maybe he likes that I am so dependent on him, who knows.

No matter we are going through, it still doesn't give us a right to hit our husbands, but where do you draw the line between physical abuse and mental abuse?

Rita, I am very embarressed that I shared my personal problems on this board for everyone to see it, because I can't imangine what people are thinking of me, so I am hoping that you could tell me what is REALLY going on with you and why you are so angry so I don't feel so alone.

Thanks for listening,

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:13 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!