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Anger Management Message Board


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Hmmm, this is me. I am your boyfriend, unfortunately. (not really, but virtually) LOL.

How often does he do this? I generally have my little "tanties" (tantrums) as my partner calls them with half amusement/half exasperation (and also some pain I'm sure *hanging head in shame and guilt*), about every 4-8 weeks...they are getting better for me. I used to explode once a week or so about 8-10 years ago (I'm 28 now) and they'd go on for hours. Nowadays they're generally over in about 15 minutes...unless I'm feeling particularly stupid and numb and let it go on longer, even though even while I'm yelling, screaming and whatever, saying hurtful things, I'm thinking in the back of my mind, "What are you DOING?!" *sigh* Sometimes it's hard to stop though.

I find for me, it's not exactly built-up anger, it's more just a really negative indulgence in expressing any anger/stress/tension/sadness, anything bad really that you feel...your partner is chanelling it into this destructive behaviour, because probably it's the quickest form of release...obviously, cause he's getting it all out. I doubt though that even he knows why he does it...it's just this overwhelming feeling...he does have to learn (and you CAN learn, so don't necessarily give up hope yet) how to deal with it effectively though, so as to stop taking it out on you.

Does he ever say it's not about you? Like, when he's doing this, does he ever justify it later by saying it's not actually about you, but just he's angry in general? I do this...though at the time it IS about my poor partner. Once she accidentally got a tiny drop of soy sauce on me and I freaked out, accused her of purposefully soiling my pants, and sort of half threw a chair (not at her, god no, just a plastic chair, sort of shoved it roughly out of the way) and I KNEW the whole time she didn't mean it and so what? It was just soy sauce! But yeah...I'd been feeling stressed and tense already so was in that strange "other" mindset beforehand...

If you want to talk more, post again. I'm too hot to type anymore right now. LOL. Sorry. My brain melts in the heat. One thing I want to say though is that you aren't responsible for his feelings and expressions of those feelings...only he is. HE is the one who has to change and act properly.

Take care.
[QUOTE=stevie_23]Hmmm, this is me. I am your boyfriend, unfortunately. (not really, but virtually) LOL.

How often does he do this? I generally have my little "tanties" (tantrums) as my partner calls them with half amusement/half exasperation (and also some pain I'm sure *hanging head in shame and guilt*), about every 4-8 weeks...they are getting better for me. I used to explode once a week or so about 8-10 years ago (I'm 28 now) and they'd go on for hours. Nowadays they're generally over in about 15 minutes...unless I'm feeling particularly stupid and numb and let it go on longer, even though even while I'm yelling, screaming and whatever, saying hurtful things, I'm thinking in the back of my mind, "What are you DOING?!" *sigh* Sometimes it's hard to stop though.

I find for me, it's not exactly built-up anger, it's more just a really negative indulgence in expressing any anger/stress/tension/sadness, anything bad really that you feel...your partner is chanelling it into this destructive behaviour, because probably it's the quickest form of release...obviously, cause he's getting it all out. I doubt though that even he knows why he does it...it's just this overwhelming feeling...he does have to learn (and you CAN learn, so don't necessarily give up hope yet) how to deal with it effectively though, so as to stop taking it out on you.

Does he ever say it's not about you? Like, when he's doing this, does he ever justify it later by saying it's not actually about you, but just he's angry in general? I do this...though at the time it IS about my poor partner. Once she accidentally got a tiny drop of soy sauce on me and I freaked out, accused her of purposefully soiling my pants, and sort of half threw a chair (not at her, god no, just a plastic chair, sort of shoved it roughly out of the way) and I KNEW the whole time she didn't mean it and so what? It was just soy sauce! But yeah...I'd been feeling stressed and tense already so was in that strange "other" mindset beforehand...

If you want to talk more, post again. I'm too hot to type anymore right now. LOL. Sorry. My brain melts in the heat. One thing I want to say though is that you aren't responsible for his feelings and expressions of those feelings...only he is. HE is the one who has to change and act properly.

Take care.[/QUOTE]




I appreciate your help. Soound lilek you may have some insight to help me out. I do feel like he doesn't really mean it, it just comes out and he can't stop it. At the moment I can tell the difference between him being mad at me and him snapping, so I dont take it to heart. There fore i can usually approach the situation without being supper offended or hurt, but I don't know how to approach it. What should I say to him to help him recognize what is going on. How did you recognize?





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