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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


I have been married for 6 years and most of it has been bad. We get along right at the time of my period for a few days than the rest of the month I can't stand my husband and am always angry and mad at him. The smallest things he does I blow up, lose my temper, yell and scream, threaten divorce, etc.....

We have one 4 year old son together and I have an 8 year old son from a previous relationship. My husband will never leave me no matter what I do cept cheating(which I have no interest in). For the most part he is miserable too because I spend most of the time treating him like crap. We fight all the time and I know most of it is my fault or I start it.

I refuse to leave him or get a divorce as I wouldn't do that to my kids for anything. I know we probably need marriage counseling, but frankly I'm just so tired of fighting and hating him. He doesn't hate me, he loves me, so why do I hate him most of the time?

What can I do to stop treating him like crap and stop being so angry all the time? I'm thinking before he and I went to marriage counseling I probably need to go to counseling on my own for a while to deal with this first, but if there is tips I could use for now to help me I need them.

I'm so tired!
Halls, I was wondering if it could be something else making you angry besides your husband. Sometimes we take things out on the person closest to us and it can be some thing else causing the anger. Maybe if you saw a therapist it could help pin point where the anger is coming from. You said you do not want a divorce because of the kids but this is hurting them too. I feel compassion for both you and your husband. It has to be hard for him having you so angry. It is hard for you being that way too. It is a big step to acknowledge you have a problem. It is commendable. I hope you find an answer.
[QUOTE=Halls] I can't stand my husband [/QUOTE]


[QUOTE=Halls]I don't hate my husband, I'm just always angry with him. I'm not sure why but never thought of it as seeing him as a wimp because he won't stand up to me. Is this a serious question?[/QUOTE]


Halls, of course this is a serious question! People get really irritated with people who don't stand up for themselves. I think that many Americans really admire independent and strong people and when a person leans on us too much by not being independent it irritates us.
[QUOTE=Halls]My husband will never leave me no matter what I do cept cheating(which I have no interest in). For the most part he is miserable too because I spend most of the time treating him like crap. We fight all the time and I know most of it is my fault or I start it.[/QUOTE]

Believe me, your husband may well leave you if you continue to show your contempt for him in this manner. People think they can predict future behaviour from past behaviour, but one thing about humans is how unpredictable even the most predictable of us can be (if that makes sense!). It's amazing the amount of abuse some people will put up with but almost always there comes a time when enough is enough and the 'worm turns'. I have seen this happen time and again in relationships: one partner calls the shots, treats the other like dirt, complacently believing the meeker half of the couple will never have the guts to leave, but then, often completely out of the blue, the abused partner ups and leaves. There will be someone out there who could make your husband happy, who could accept him for what he is rather than bemoan what he isn't, who would be happy just to be with him rather than see him as someone to take their own frustrations out on. Someday he could meet this person, then your complacency will be brutally shattered.

In a nutshell, if you value your marriage at all then please sit down and think seriously about how you can protect it. Look at your husband's good points, he's certainly got plenty as he has stayed with you so far in spite of your behaviour towards him. But DO NOT bank on his 'insecurity' as your insurance against him leaving at some point in the future. Underneath his timidity and insecurity is a man looking for love and acceptance and if he doesn't find it with you he may well find it with someone else.





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