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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


Re: Anger issues
Feb 17, 2007
Hi Rik, you shouldn't be going through your days feeling restricted. You should be able to express your needs and feelings and be able to work with your partner in order to compromise. Do you feel that you can express yourself to your partner? I used to be a screamer and my husband let me know everytime that I did it that it wasn't appropriate. He never screamed or became angry. I was finally able to stop. Sounds like your partner needs to work on her behavior.
Re: Anger issues
Feb 19, 2007
[QUOTE=rik666;2806771]
once i know how to be assertive without being angry i will be able to safely stand up for myself without fear of something bad happening.

some people say i'm whipped or i'm chicken ****, others understand. the ones that don't understand, i leave them to their ignorance and not let it bother me, maybe i should but i try not to.

there's still some stuff bottling up, y'know?

[/QUOTE]

Rik, I think that you are on to something - learning how to express yourself without getting angry. This would be very good. Do you think that you feel guilty standing up for yourself or something?

Yeh, just focus on your issues. Everyone has an opinion and you just need to decide whose opinion is helpful and whose is not.

I totally understand how things could get bottled up. I had to learn to stand up for myself too.

About the rice. I think that both of you should be allowed to make the house rules, not just her. At my house our children eat at the table so that I can confine the mess to that one area. My husband, however, is an adult and he does eat nuts in the living room where he does leave a small mess on the floor. I am a stayhome mom. My husband works and cooks the meals. I clean up. It would never enter my mind to tell him to eat at the table.

Rik, you know what it sounds like? Sounds like you have been raised to not stand up for yourself and your girlfriend has gotten pretty used to pushing you around because she could. You are now learning to stand up for yourself and your girlfriend just has to get used to the "new Rik". Actually, you can tell her that there is a new Rik in town and he is learning how to stand up for himself and she needs to learn to respect you more because really she is not. To be fair, however, this is really what you have allowed her to do. I am of the philosophy that everyone has to stand up for him or herself and it isn't the other person's responsiblity to keep up with other's needs. She just has to learn and you are going to have to teach her. It will happen, just stay calm. And hey, congrats on realizing that you need to stand up for yourself and doing the work to learn how! Sounds like you both just need to learn to stay calm. Rik, you both will get through this, okay. Don't lose hope. You both will learn better relationship skills through this.





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