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Anger Management Message Board


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My husband does crazy things when he gets mad or doesn't get his way. For example, twice he bolted out of the car as I was driving...going slowly, but still that's a bit extreme, I think. Each time I try to get to the bottom of a disagreement for the good of the relationship, he tries to escalate the discussion into a heated argument. I have never met someone as thin-skinned in my life either. His favorite way to get back at me is to ignore me totally for days. It is very tough to deal with as it feels like complete rejection. Everything is on his terms, he makes up when and only when he feels like it, my feelings don't matter.
Our situation is unique. We met online and fell in love. He's British and I'm American. We traveled back and forth across the Atlantic and after 2 1/2 years we married. During the courtship he had his moments....he has anger-management problems, but the episodes were infrequent. Unfortunately, right after we married he turned into a monster. He started being disrespectful to me in front of his parents the day after the wedding! Of course, the wedding and parental visit was stressful and he did not handle this well at all. Shortly after the wedding, we went to Miami for a week (at my expense) got lost at night trying to find the resort. Needless to say with our frayed nerves we had a blow-out that very night.When we finally found the hotel an hour later I asked him to take me to the grocery store because we hadn't eaten. He said "no, absolutely not". I said, "take me to the store for food or else". I know this sounds ridiculous, but it actually happened. Anyway, he took me to the store and refused to buy any groceries which made me even madder. He was continuing to upset me and wouldn't quit.I was still angry the next morning because he still was refusing to kick in any money for the food.So, I lost it and told him to leave...not meaning it though which was stupid because don't you know he did leave. He left me in Miami, at my timeshare without a car!He flew up to his cousin's house in NJ and I didn't see him for 2 weeks. He ignored my emails for 3 days..so I cut my trip short because I didn't even know where he was.We did make up after this believe it or not and now he is in England supposedly trying to sell his house. The problem with that is he used to email me everyday before we were married and now he never answers.His house has no phone because he has been living here with me for the past 12 months so I have to call his mother to tell him to call me. He takes his time to call back too.The separation is causing a lot of stress and on Sunday we had a discussion which he turned into a fight over the phone.He hung up on me twice and I haven't heard from him in 3 days now. Actually, he didn't go to his mother's today, Sunday like she said he was going to so it has now been 7 days since I've heard from him.
I moved to Maryland a year ago and don't know too many people here.I think I have post-traumatic stress disorder over the Miami thing...I guessed his yahoo password and read some of his mail to find out what was going on and his sister was telling him to block my emails and return to England. Nice sister-in -law huh? I would never had read his mail ,but when he abandoned me in Miami, I felt that I needed to get to the bottom of why he did it if I could. So, I would appreciate as much help as possible with this problematic marriage...reaction and advice would be great.Everyone says that I'm easy-going...I don't understand why this is happening in my marriage.

Thanks,
Pumpkin99
Last edited by moderator2 : 02-21-2007 at 07:03 PM.
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Wow, this post is almost exactly the same thing I've been going through. I'm not married, but I've been in a relationship with my current bf (or whatever he is at this point) for almost 3 years. (Our anniversary is next month :( and if things continue being the way they are currently, we probably won't celebrate it as it seems that there's hardly any hope for a future since at this point he does not want to see/talk to me).

We also argue all the time over stupid tiny things that aren't even worth it, and his way of "paying me back" for hurting his feelings is ignoring me for days at a time. It's happened a couple of times so far, and we're going through that right now at this very moment. (We saw each other briefly yesterday and things were okay, but of course he had a major moodswing and it's a completely different story today.)

We also took a trip last year and he did a very similar thing your husband did. It's amazing how similar our experiences are. We had trouble finding our hotel, got lost for a couple of hours, etcetc, and when we finally found it we had trouble agreeing on everything else (including food). It was also my birthday, and needless to say we wasted a ton of money on a trip that was one of the worst mistakes ever since after that incident we didn't see each other for probably a week.
He also doesn't feel like making up till he's ready (which so far hasn't happened at all). I've always been the one to call and fix the problems hoping that everything would be okay. It usually is for a while, but than something ridiculous happens and ruins it all. I feel like it's such a waste of time sometimes, I'm sure you know how that feels.

I totally feel where you're coming from. I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest to help you seeing that I'm going through pretty much the same thing and don't really know how to help myself either. I've tried talking to other people, but they don't really help since they're not in the situation and don't know how to rationally deal with something like this (and neither do I).
It's tough to wait for him and take it one day at a time since, like me, you probably just want to fix this as soon as possible and hope that you didn't make a huge mistake by being with him.
I just want you to know that you're definitely not alone in that situation as there are probably tons of other people out there going through the same.
I think we could all use a bit of professional help, unfortunately you can't make someone do that if they don't want to. I wish I could make my bf get some help for these issues so we can finally work things out (if it's not too late), but I can't. He's extremely stubborn and old enough to make his own decisions. You can't force someone into therapy if they don't think that they need it.

I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide. I totally feel where you're coming from and though right now it seems like a really bad place to be, things will work themselves out and everything will get better eventually.:) We all need to be a bit more patient and positive.





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