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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


I'm in the same situation as you and honestly I don't know what to do about it. My bf and I have been together for almost 3 years and I'm not one to just throw away 3 years of my life on a relationship I worked so hard for.
He definitely has the same issues though, gets angry over very little things (in fact he hasn't talked to me in the past few days because he's angry over a stupid incident from last weekend).
I'm not the only one who notices this either, his family complains about it also, but no one can make him do anything about it since he's old enough (22)to take care of himself. He's just so immature.

You did mention ADHD and though that has its own issues, I don't think it should contribute significantly to his anger.
I wish I could suggest something to you, but I'm looking for answers myself. I wish you the best of luck with whatever (if anything) you decide to do to help him.
[QUOTE=MoonLight0;2828922]His family complains about it also, but no one can make him do anything about it since he's old enough (22)to take care of himself. He's just so immature.
[/QUOTE]


OK,
If this guy has a genuine problem then he should be able to turn to his family for support, they shouldn't be "complaining". And to label him immature; do you think that helps him? I'm going through something similar but with some other issues attached and I've so far found the support from medical personnel, GPs, friends and even the Samaritans to be none too helpful. So if I were to approach my family and be greated with the attitude pointed out above, I don't think my situation would be helped.

If he's with a genuine problem, its not down to immaturity. Perhaps he needs someone to talk to, or something in his life to change. I don't know what I need to help me, I've been searching for that answer for near on 5 years now but I know that having your family and friends turn their back on you, only makes things worse.
Talk to him
[QUOTE=kirsten07;2828653] he says he just 'cannot control it', i disagree!![/QUOTE]

I don't buy the "I just cannot control it" excuse either.

I few years ago I had a buddy who was know for his short fuse. One day while walking through a crowd, some smaller guy accidently bumped into him. My buddy got all upset and hostile and threatened to beat the guy up. As I dragged him away he was going on about how "people like that make me mad. I just can't control it." It wasn't five minutes later that someone else accidently bumped into him. Only this time the guy who bumped into him looked like a professional wrestler. Guess what? My buddy "controlled it."

At least some people with anger management issues ARE immature and are just looking for a way to act out. If they think they can get away with it, they go off. If they determine that going off might result in a trip to the dentist to get implants to replace the teeth they lost in the confrontation, they manage to control themselves.
My boyfriend has anger issues too. He would never harm me and he rants to me but indirectly. He's not yelling at me about something that I am donig wrong. He's just generally pissed off about traffic, his probation officer, his alternative work force, his substance abuse program and he's tired of having to be told what to do by others.

I think he has an anxiety issue because he always works things up. It puts me on edge and it is starting to wear on our relationship because he asks me why I don't talk to him anymore. I just ignore his complaining to the best of my ability and we have lost our connection and communication.

If you want to help your boyfriend you have to find out why he has such a short fuse. Mine says it's an opiate attitude because he can't have them anymore. But he's going to the pshyciatrist on monday and hopefully he can determine the cause of his anger because it debilatates his life. I mean how is he going to hold a job if he snaps all the time and can't handle authority. How is he going to maintain a healthy relationship if I don't feel I can communicate with him. Or I would just rather be away from him because I don't want to hear his mouth.

Anyway, just because he's angry all the time and vents doesn't mean he is going to be abusive. Yeah it's a downer and no one wants to hear it but is he yelling at you about things you are doing or is he just complaining about his life? If he's yelling AT you than it's verbal abuse. I still hate it that my boyfriend is angry all the time but he's yelling about things outside of our relationship that have nothing to do with me. It still needs to be corrected for my peace of mind though.

Anyhow, If your boyfriend can't control his temper maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist or a counselor to talk about it. Maybe the counseling could teach him to react differently to situations. But there's nothing you can do about it, he has to want to change. So you either have to accept that this is how you are going to live your life and work on trying to help him with his anger problems or find someone that doesn't have anger problems. Because it's going to take alot of work on his part and he's gonig to have to accept that he has a problem that he wants to fix.

Not everyone that has rage issues would beat a woman. Every man that beats women has rage issues. I mean I've had road rage before but that doesn't mean that I would get out of my car and pull someone out of thier car and punch them. If you feel that he oversteps your boundaries by all means get out of the relationship but I wouldn't assume his yelling would lead to hitting unless he is threatening and overbearing physically during his outbursts.
[QUOTE=jkitty;2877626]My boyfriend has anger issues too. He would never harm me and he rants to me but indirectly. He's not yelling at me about something that I am donig wrong. He's just generally pissed off about traffic, his probation officer, his alternative work force, his substance abuse program and he's tired of having to be told what to do by others.

I think he has an anxiety issue because he always works things up. It puts me on edge and it is starting to wear on our relationship because he asks me why I don't talk to him anymore. I just ignore his complaining to the best of my ability and we have lost our connection and communication.

If you want to help your boyfriend you have to find out why he has such a short fuse. Mine says it's an opiate attitude because he can't have them anymore. But he's going to the pshyciatrist on monday and hopefully he can determine the cause of his anger because it debilatates his life. I mean how is he going to hold a job if he snaps all the time and can't handle authority. How is he going to maintain a healthy relationship if I don't feel I can communicate with him. Or I would just rather be away from him because I don't want to hear his mouth.

Anyway, just because he's angry all the time and vents doesn't mean he is going to be abusive. Yeah it's a downer and no one wants to hear it but is he yelling at you about things you are doing or is he just complaining about his life? If he's yelling AT you than it's verbal abuse. I still hate it that my boyfriend is angry all the time but he's yelling about things outside of our relationship that have nothing to do with me. It still needs to be corrected for my peace of mind though.

Anyhow, If your boyfriend can't control his temper maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist or a counselor to talk about it. Maybe the counseling could teach him to react differently to situations. But there's nothing you can do about it, he has to want to change. So you either have to accept that this is how you are going to live your life and work on trying to help him with his anger problems or find someone that doesn't have anger problems. Because it's going to take alot of work on his part and he's gonig to have to accept that he has a problem that he wants to fix.

Not everyone that has rage issues would beat a woman. Every man that beats women has rage issues. I mean I've had road rage before but that doesn't mean that I would get out of my car and pull someone out of thier car and punch them. If you feel that he oversteps your boundaries by all means get out of the relationship but I wouldn't assume his yelling would lead to hitting unless he is threatening and overbearing physically during his outbursts.[/QUOTE]
I agree with the above post. My bf is just an angry guy but he would never hurt me or anyone else. He will explode about traffic or something then he will be fine a few moments later. I barely even listen to him or I just yell louder than him and try to make him laugh. It sounds stupid, but it works. I'll sort of repeat what he is yelling back to him, and I think it helps him realize how dumb he sounds.

Was your bf abused as a kid or given beatings as a form of punishment? My bf's dad was a Vietnam vet and a lot of his PTSD issues rubbed off on the kids.

As far as therapy goes, my bf is pretty much aware that his anger stems from his dad but that doesn't make the anger go away at all. He just has to learn to manage it. The big thing about these angry guys is that I truly think the yelling and screaming makes them feel better. Would you rather he yell a little bit or let the anger build up and then he goes and hits a person?





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