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Anger Management Message Board


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I've been with my husband for 16 years, married for 13. Fifteen of those years have been relatively anger free until this year.
He has had a demanding job, and is under a lot of stress. He works long hours on second shift and is on his feet a lot. This year he took a promotion and has more responsibility which I think he can't handle.
He has a history of lying, he cheated on me once years ago and actually left me for this woman (which hurt more than the cheating.) So we have had our marriage problems for sure. It took a lot for me to get over him walking out on me. He only came back groveling after she dumped him. It was pathetic, and although I"ve moved past it, I haven't forgotten. Who could?
The first episode of anger he just glared at me and freaked me out. The look in his eyes was scary. I can't even remember what it was about. The second one, I can't remember the cause of either, but he grabbed me by both upper arms and left marks which faded in an hour or so. I was shocked that he laid a hand on me. Both episodes were very quick, maybe a minute or two. Then the other day he brought the laundry upstairs for me, and when he came up his eggs were overcooked. He flipped out because he blamed me for this since I asked him to get the laundry. He raised his fist at me but didn't hit me. I covered my face in protection. It was quite scary.
This only lasted a few seconds then he went back to preparing breakfast. I asked him if he thought he did something wrong and he didn't think he did. He didn't hit me so why was I so upset? He also said he was joking which he wasn't. He's not a morning person since he works nights, and all of these episodes I believe have occured in the morning. He called me later in the day to apoligze about the eggs incident and I asked why didn't you apoligze this morning? he didn't have an answer. He was always grumpy in the morning but never like this. We have a teenage son together and fortunately he has not witnessed any of these episodes.
I believe he is depressed, has little motivation, dislikes his job, and is just generally unhappy. I do most or all of the housework and I work as well, but not as many hours as he does. He shows no obvious signs of an abuser. He's not posssessive of me. He doesn't isolate me from my family and friends. He doesn't keep tabs on me, in fact sometimes I wish he was a little more concerned what I am doing and who I am with. So he doesn't fit the typical abuser category. He is not at all controlling.
I am unsure how to handle this sudden anger problem and am looking for some advice. He admits now that he has a problem, although sometimes says I provoked him or turns the tables by talking about my emotional problems (I have ocd and depression). Any advice would be appreciated!
I was married to a guy I met at school when i was 16 , we dated for two years then I bought a house at 18 he moved in, we married at 20 and had two kids by 22. All was great he was loving and kind, funny a great guy no problems at all, life was good everyone liked him.

Then he started with bad moods, he changed so much I think the pressure of a young family, I worked so did he, I took it in turns to look after my sister's kids and we had enough to get by on. I think looking back he was wanting more but nothing prepared me for the next year of our marriage.

I was 23 when we divorced after he had lost his temper for the last time! I was kicked and punched for 2 hours before getting away from him, spent a week in hospital, I carn't remember. For me it was simple get out and that's what I did but I would NEVER have seen the man i loved turn into a monster.

I think you should get advice and let someone you trust know what is going on, he needs help. I don't want to sound dramatic, but he sound's like he has changed for some reason and you need to know why???

Don't blame yourself for his bad behaviour, he is responable for that but do be careful, I nearly lost my life to some one i loved.

You have been together a long time, so I can see why this must be so hard, but violence how ever small should not be in a loving relationship. Good luck X





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