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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


Sometimes, i truely think i am a horrible person. I can kind of control my anger infront of people, but inside i can't control it.

I know alot of people don't like me, i have some habits that people start hating me for (I have OCD), but I feel so ANGRY at them for not liking me. They're not mean to me, but I know they talk behind my back, and avoid talking to me although when they do they are nice. But I get so angry I feel like hurting them (although i know when it comes down to it, i really couldnt), or feeling satisfation when something goes wrong or someone gets in trouble. I semi-manage this, i don't express it, but i REALLY need to get these thoughts out of my head because it makes me feel like a HORRIBLE person.

Also, I get angry at my partner for no reason. I get angry, I start a fight about something that he hasnt even done or something he didnt say, and fight with him, yell at him abuse him tell him its over etc. But most things I argue about don't exist. I think i'm just ANGRY inside and need to make things up to express it because I really don't know what im angry about. Its really putting a strain on my relationship, my BF is telling me i'm always angry at him and im always yelling at hm or fighting with him.

What can I do to stop myself starting these arguments over nothing, and what can I do to stop myself thinking these horrible angry thoughts? I really truely feel like a horrible person :(
Wow. I typed into google "I am such a horrible person" because I feel that I too am such a horrible person so I really understand what you mean when you say you feel horrible. I also hate myself very much and it is such a hard thing to live with, knowing you have so much hate towards yourself.

Half the time, that is why I get angry at my partner - I do it too. Get angry over the littlest things, and even with my friends but never realised it. Until, I now have no friends left. The only thing I want in life is to have a big group of friends but I manage to push them all away because of my own self hate.

My anger stems from years of neglect from everyone who as a child you are meant to be able to trust. There is a reason you are so angry and maybe you know what it is, maybe you don't. It took me a long time to realise that my reasons for being angry are valid but I need to find another outlet for being angry and not taking it out on people.

I don't know how to love or how to be close to people and my anger comes out because I don't know how to change or how to behave or act.

Life feels so hard sometimes and it can be so tricky trying to find the right balance. I took to cutting myself to ease my pain because I have been diagnosed with 'general' depression and it pains me to hear that word 'general' because again I feel like I am being lumped in the same pond as everyone else and that my problems aren't valid or unique - hence I took to cutting myself to show that no, I actually am in a lot of pain and don't label me.

So, I'm not sure if this post helps at all but at the same time you are not alone in feeling like a horrible person. But, your partner obviously see's something in you that you don't see. As does mine. That should be a good thing right?

I am trying therapy at the moment and have found it is making me worse because all the memories that I've shut up for my whole life are starting to come out and are so raw and painful that it feels like my whole life is going to explode and I can't contain myself in me that I have to lash out at others to feel better.

Then, when they remark about my behaviour the whole "I'm so horrible" kicks in again and that's when I lash out at myself (cutting)

I'm not sure what advice to give you because I am still searching for my own but the best and only advice that I can give you is to seek help and realise that you may feel horrible, you may be horrible but at the end of the day, you are who you are and you can either live with that or work towards changing that.

That, is the challenge in itself though!

Good luck because this is the hardest and longest and most draining battle I have ever had to fight in my life - and I swear sometimes I just wish it would all end because it is so horrible.

I look at people who don't have 'issues' and just wish so badly that could be me, but it's not so take who you are and work from there.

xo





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