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Anger Management Message Board

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ok i have huge anger problems and i admit it

it has got me into alot of trouble over the years and i want some advice from some one that has experienced it for them selves.

i dont want advise from people who just wanna talk about it i want real people that have been through what i have.

ok i have been to the doctors and a shrink and still they have not seemed to help me at all

i get angry at everything even reading some of these threads piss me of coz people giving their thoughts and opinions havent gone through it.

its not like we wanna be angry its actualy very depressing knowing that people hate u for it.

i am on medication every day and i hate it. it makes u feel tired and paranoid

so if anyone that has gone through this please let me and anyone else know of some personal tips that might help.

mine at the moment is write a letter saying what u fell to who ever has pissed u off then burn it.

cheers Rik
Firstly, I want to say something. Your post sounds angry. I took offence at the way in which you said you didn’t want people to write unless they have experienced anger issues themselves, and this is of course understandable, but the way you said it annoyed me because people here are trying to help you, so just be a bit nicer about it please. I am also saying this cause I want you to know you can’t just expect anyone to accept your anger, you know? I don’t mind if you find this part of my post offensive or angering or annoying. I just hope you still read the rest of the post and I hope it helps you a bit.

Secondly, I have been through many anger problems. I had been “throwing tantrums” from about the age of 17 until the present day, although as I age (I’m 30 now), they are becoming a lot less frequent and severe.

I was usually ok, but I used to get so angry and for no real reason sometimes. Or not a reason anyone else had caused anyway. But I blamed everyone and everything else for how I felt. I would get very tense in my pre-anger phase. Then someone would do something tiny and that would never anger me normally (always my girlfriend only, the person closest to me and who I was most comfortable with) and I’d lash out, as if it was the last straw. They had no idea what they’d done, or why I’d reacted so furiously. I would throw chairs or glasses (never at them), punch walls, kick things, scream (both shouting at them, mostly terribly hurtful and rude/obscene words, as well as literally just screaming like a horror movie type scream), swear with almost every word I said, slam doors, be horribly rude and insulting and hurtful, and I’d be shaking. But at the same time I felt numb inside, and also my mind was saying to me WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? STOP IT! But I didn’t stop until I’d exhausted myself and ended up crying.

I haven’t had one of these episodes for a long time now, at least 2 years. I sometimes still feel myself heading towards one, getting that tension and feeling this nagging annoyance at everything, this total dissatisfaction with my life and a sort of resentment towards my girlfriend, but I never know why I feel this. I think for me it’s because if I get stressed and start feeling this overwhelming negativity, and she can’t fix it or doesn’t understand how I feel, I start to feel annoyed at that. WHY can’t she make it all ok, that sort of thing. It’s totally irrational, I know. Then she does something that normally I’d hardly even notice (like one time she accidentally squirted me with soy sauce. Usually we’d have laughed at this, but that time I yelled at her and sarcastically thanked her for wrecking my top and then I threw a chair and stormed off, yelling. This was in a busy shopping centre too by the way), or else something happens that disappoints me (like another time I was stressed, not sure why now, and we were out to lunch at a café, and I felt unconsciously like this was the last good thing I had to look forward to and I wanted it to be perfect, but then the waiter said they had no eggs left, and I freaked out and stormed off, crying hysterically! It’s quite funny now, but at the time I embarrassed myself, my girlfriend, I appeared like a spoilt little kid not getting their own way, I left my girlfriend at the table where she then had to pay the bill for the drinks we’d already started drinking, etc) so I can’t deal with it and have a tantrum.

I always used to think I had no control…I used to feel that during the tension phase that my girlfriend was against me, she didn’t love me, and wouldn’t care if we broke up or what I said to her. This was one of my excuses for allowing myself to indulge my anger and let myself get rid of my stress by making her feel bad and hurting her.

I hated my behaviour afterwards, but…I just felt I couldn’t help it. Now I see I could, and can, control it. You just don’t let your anger control you. You are in control of how you behave. You really are. Someone on this forum actually once said to me that I wouldn’t have a tantrum or treat my mother or father or best friend or work mate that way, and no, I really wouldn’t. I’d be mortified if I did. So because I only did it to my girlfriend, that showed I DID have control of it. So if I could control it, and was still acting this way, then I was CHOOSING to hurt her. And did I want to do that? NO! So…somewhere after that, I just found it easier to stop feeling that way. If I felt myself getting tense, I’d laugh. It helped.

Now, this is my story. Your’s, if you’re on medication and are angry with everyone, not just one person, this is much more complicated I think. You may NOT have as much control over yourself. But then I ask, WHY do you think you’re so angry all the time? Why do you feel you’re not being given, or able to get, what you want and need to be happy?

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