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I am thankful for the responses. After taking some time away, I have realized a few things...

I am a sensitive, shy, introspective kind of person, and I felt completely out of place with her, because she was into the alpha male type, pretty much opposite of me. She was never used to dealing with an emotional guy like me because I guess the guys never took her all that serious, or even asked her about her at all. In a way I think she wanted me to behave more like them, yet she was insisting on being taken seriously in a relationship.

I feel she wanted 'a boyfriend' more than she actually wanted me, and that she didn't even want a boyfriend, she wanted me to take her seriously as to not use her for sex or feel like a FWB, yet she wanted to act the same way she did when she was single while in a relationship. She basically wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

She's only been sexually active since 24 or 25, or so she says. She's Asian and not originally from the US where I am from, so I suppose she was raised differently from most girls who are sexually active earlier in life. Considering she says that she's only been with a low number of men (for short term things) scattered over a 5-6 year period, I also find it hard to believe. She's been painfully honest with me about most things, so I don't think she's lying about this, yet I feel ALL girls never reveal themselves completely to their partners, so who knows? I was more concerned with her behavior.

I am more comfortable with girls who are into relationships and I don't need them to be 'saints' per say, but just not so reckless and low on self esteem that they have to sleep with men right away. She was a sweet girl, and that's how I saw her, but after she told me those things about her- it was obvious she had very low self image, and very masochistic.

Perhaps if it was a phase instead of what seemed to be a pattern, I would have felt comfortable. Maybe if she had at least one relationship that lasted more than a handful of months, I would have felt better also. In a way I felt like the only guy that was taking her serious and being nice, and she was not into it. Some girls just like assholes, they like to be the one chasing as some delusional romantic thing. I suppose that was exactly what was happening to me, I was chasing her to feel a certain way that I knew would probably never work, and it was exciting in some way.

There was one guy in particular, the guy who I mentioned she had a crush on that somewhat drove her into my arms- It was obvious to me that the guy did not consider her important in her life. He wasn't calling her, or messaging her, it was all- her reaching out to him. She was HIS friend. She placed him as such an important person in her life as a friend, yet he did not feel that way about her, in the slightest. She knew it bothered me to see her contacting him, yet she did it anyway, which made me believe that either

1)she was going to do whatever she wanted to do, and did not like me trying to change her
2)she still had feelings for the guy

Either way, knowing the dynamic of the friendship, how he placed little importance with her, I didn't see why she felt he was so important to her- Enough to put our relationship in harms way, just to reach out to some guy who practically didn't know she existed. it was a slap in the face to constantly see this. She would completely disregard my feelings to talk to some guy who didn't care about her.

Relationships include compromise and some sacrifices. me asking her not to talk to this guy, or at least not be the one constantly reaching out to him, I did not feel was an outlandish request. Perhaps if he was the one to be posting to her, and her replying to it, I would have felt differently. Perhaps if I had no idea of how she once felt about him, or how she had a crush on him up until the day we met, it would be different. She did not want to see my point on this, she insisted that the feelings were gone, they were only friends, and that it was no big deal. I still do not understand why this guy is so important in her life.

If I knew she had issues with me talking to some girl that I wasn't even close friends with, a girl that pretty much didn't care about me, I would not do it, bottom line. That is, if I valued her in my life. Am I wrong to feel like I was being disrespected here? Seriously, how would some of you feel in that situation?

At the end of the day, I've learned not to stay in relationships that are not working. As hard as it is to let go for me, I have to learn how to 'fold a losing hand.' I should have either accepted her or walked away, instead of lashing out at her. We obviously were cut from different cloths, sometimes you can make that work, most of the time, not. I was feeling very depressed, but today I feel better. It was far from a heartbreak, more of a bruised ego. She obviously had many issues that made her a certain kind of person I was not compatible with.

As far as my 'inner child' it wasn't so much about seeking love, rather respect. I am confident in who I am, but sometimes people can throw you away from youself. I just want a girl who is honest, direct and knows what she wants. When a girl is with me for the wrong reasons, or says one thing but does another, it is torturous. She was not being honest with me in some capacity, and if she was it wouldn't have been such a bad situation. Had she been seriously ready for a relationship, it might have worked. If she told me she didn't want something so serious, it would have worked. She can't tell me she wants 100% from me and give me 20% of her. Geez, I feel like a woman writing this stuff. Sometimes even girls you know you don't care for can have you acting as if you do, simply because it is a challenging situation. I felt taken advantage of, I suppose, and that led to anger.





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