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Anxiety Message Board


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Board Index > Anxiety | 0-9 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Hi I'm excited to join this & share my story & get opinions & advice from others who have experienced the same thing & could help me with what to do because I'm genuinely lost.. I'll try to keep my story short but I just want to give everyone an idea of what I've dealt with & I appreciate anyone that reads this & responds so much. I got severe anxiety when I was 11 years old. It happened out of no where. I got sick in a restaurant once & it's been ever since. I thought I had a phobia/anxiety of getting sick. My parents took me to a doctor & I was put on Zoloft & Xanax. I was so young & anxious all the time I didn't even remember what it was like to take it or if I had side effects or anything that whole time of my life feels like a blur although I do remember taking Xanax several times throughout the day for all my panic attacks & between that & the Zoloft it worked & I was normal again. After about a year, when I was 12, my parents thought I was better since I was on the medicine & ripped me off both cold turkey. The withdrawals from Xanax were awful. I can still remember the shaking & sweating. Well for a few years I was normal i was like everyone else & then at about 15 I had bad anxiety with bad depression again, I basically lived off the couch & skipped a ton of school for months. My mom kicked me out because it was too stressful for her & when I moved to my fathers, it was like I was perfectly fine again. I think the depression stayed tho because I drownded myself in alcohol for the entire 3 years I lived with him but I was still normal. I could go anywhere & do anything I didn't panic ever I would go with friends far away to places. But when my dad (we fought a lot cause he's on drugs & he has mental issues) kicked me out at 18, I moved back into my moms & I think it brought back bad memory's because I had extremely severe anxiety & depression for a year worst then I ever had it & my boyfriend left me at the time because he has bipolar disorder & was going through a manic episode. I sat on the couch every single day & night lost all my weight was pale & anxious & depressed. I had to teach myself how to just go 5 minutes up the road again without having a panic attack. I went to a walk in clinic & was prescribed something for anxiety, I couldn't remember what it was if I tried, & it was terrible I was up all night dripping in sweat clenching my jaws for 8 hours & felt like I had cotton mouth. During that year I ended up experiencing depersonalization or derealization every night which is actually where you see yourself outside your body & it wasn't until recently that I found out you experience that from post traumatic stress disorder or basically just severe trauma. Eventually after a very long miserable year I pulled myself out of the slump at about age 19, I got a job I made some friends which were probably bad influences since I was so insecure & vulnerable & over the years I've learned how to still live life but basically in a box. I can only go like 5 places up the road. I have to drive I can't let other people drive. I can't go down any roads whatsoever that I haven't already been down before I can't go more then 15 mins up the road I make the best of it but the honest truth is I'm so sad that I can't live like everyone & be normal. I've been in a constant depression for years now because of my anxiety. I realized about a year ago that I don't actually have a phobia of throwing up also because I got food poisoning bad for the first time since I was like 11 & I was sick all night & I wasn't scared of it I felt better. I don't have it in me to figure out why I have my anxiety & panic attacks I just know I'm 20 years old about to be 21 & I miss out on everything. I can't go to clubs or amusements parks or concerts or cool restaurants or the mall or movie theatres my life is the same little square & it's been for years & I need my life back. My same boyfriend that I mentioned before just recently left me again because of my anxiety & the fact that I wasn't doing anything about it & moved on with his life after 7 years together so I've also been going through that the last month & have been extremely depressed & emotional every day. I'm trying to keep it together but I don't have any kind of support system other then him. I can't really go to a psychiatrist because most of them are too far away or take months to get in at so I recently just went to a physician & was prescribed Zoloft 25 mg & Xanax xr .05 mg. I took the Zoloft last week & felt horrible, I was in a fonk & had the weirdest dreams that I kept waking up from & I felt sick like I had the flu I could barely eat I was exhausted & kept sweating & the next morning when I woke up my entire face ears & neck were broken out in a terrible rash I had hives all over me & a fever so I didn't take it again cause I clearly had an allergic reaction. Well I waited about a week to recover & recently I've been reading everything imaginable online about the Xanax xr before I take it but I'm absolutely terrified because of the dizzy spells you get when you start it & how extremely addicting it is & i don't have all day anxiety I have severe panic attacks when I go places out of my comfort zone so I just need something to keep me calm when I go new places & idk if the Xanax xr is strong enough to relieve my bad panic attacks when I go places since it's an all day slow release & I need something for my depression too I think which I don't think it's gonna help me with... I could be wrong tho I've never taken the xr version. Is there any advice or drug suggestions or experience anyone can give me that knows what I'm talking about?? I want my life back so bad. & im extremely sensitive to side effects from medicines by the way cause my anxiety.





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