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Extreme Introvert
Dec 22, 2015
I've had anxiety for a long time, it is in a more or less stable place and I am taking medication for it. My issue is that I've slowly detached myself from the rest of society. I've always hated going to family gatherings, feeling very uncomfortable and dreading it in the car journey there, it's always been present in my childhood.

But now, at the age of 20, every interaction with another person is enough to make me want to shy away to the safety of my room. I have a full time job, and most days I struggle to talk to my coworkers, two of whom I am particularly close to, which makes it more difficult. I can't not talk or socialise at work, so I force myself to, which just brings on more miserable feelings.

Because at home I have the safety of my room, I spend every waking moment there. I dislike coming downstairs to cook and have dinner with my family, and that's the only time I really see them. Even when I hear them coming up the stairs to have a quick word or just to mention something to me, I find myself pleading that they won't open the door. I just hate any kind of social interaction.

I think it's partly because of this I don't have really many friends, the ones I did in school have all left for university and I only see them once or twice a year, which is fine for me. I have one very close friend, who I talk to every day, the thing is he lives abroad, and talking on ******** with him is completely fine, I enjoy his 'company' immensely, we've been talking every day for seven years.

Around two years ago my father got into a relationship with a woman with a rather large family, who all spend a lot of time together. Now we're expected to join in, though I will say my blood family aren't particularly close to each other, but that's fine, it's just the way we are. These large family gatherings are the bane of my absolute existence, I cannot describe how much I hate them. On the way there in the car, I pray we get into an accident so we don't have to go. They make me so uncomfortable, more than anything ever has done before. It's not possible to explain this to anyone, like my father, as it just comes across as I'm being rude and just can't be bothered to spend time with them. Though, they do understand my need for space and I am given the option to opt out of some events. Tomorrow the whole family is getting together to exchange Christmas presents and I am dreading it. My father told me to go find a quiet corner and no one will pay attention to me, but nothing he can say or do will help.

I do not feel safe or happy unless I am in my bedroom, with my books and my computer. If I could, I would spend my entire life not interacting with anyone, only speaking online, that's my dream. I often wish I become rather ill and have to be admitted to hospital, so I can be away from my family. I wish I could be admitted this Christmas, so I don't have to go to to all the annual Christmas events and get togethers.

It's taking over my life, and the older I get, the more I want to stay away from people. I know this isn't realistic, and I'll never be able to, but does anyone else have this problem? If so, how do they deal with it? Or have coping mechanisms in place?

Many thanks, and apologies for the long message.

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