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Hello, I've come here for some help as I know that other people suffer from this and I am not sure what else to do. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for about a year, with a narcissist. Nearly a year after we broke up he treated me even worse, more fool me for letting him but I thought I loved him, He is now finally out of my life and I have met this wonderful man who is so kind and loving. He treats me right and would do anything for me. He is just a genuine person and I have never experienced such kindness from a boyfriend before.

My ex has tried to come back into my life a few times whilst being with my new boyfriend but I have always shut it down straight away and blocked him. It got to the point of where he was harassing me and making new numbers. Luckily he has stopped now.

I am so happy with my new boyfriend, but my anxiety is ruining things. I am so scared of being cheated on again and getting hurt that its crippling any chance of me feeling happy and normal. Whenever me and my boyfriend are too intimate, like really passionate it send me into a panic after and I feel like I just want to run out of his house. He is so understanding and caring but I am scared I am going to push him away and ruin everything.

I keep convincing myself he is a bad guy and that he is the same as the others. I keep telling myself he isn't right for me when deep down I know he really is right for me. I keep pushing him away because I don't want to get hurt.

I am so frustrated and sick of being like this. It's making me ill, I never eat much, I get dizzy. My anxiety has never been this bad. I did lose my dog at the start of the year and he was in my life for 13 years, he was always there for me and was basically like a therapy dog. I know some people don't believe it but me and my dog had a really special bond so losing him was like losing a best friend/brother/child. I was holding him whilst they put him down and since then I don't think I have been the same person :(

Sorry for the long post. I really don't want to lose him, but I always feel like I am ruining it and that he deserves better and that I don't deserve to be in a relationship. I have been to therapy but I cannot afford to keep going privately and I have tried anti-depressants before but I don't believe they help. Instead I exercise in replacement of having drugs. I don't know what else to do or to shake this negative feeling. I want to be positive and look forward to my future with him and not expect the worse all the time :( :( :(
Hi MJ, it sounds like you need more confidence in yourself. Sometimes the reason you put up with abuse was because you did not have enough self-esteem to believe you deserve better. I do understand about losing your pet... I had a similar loss, and believe it or not, the best thing for me was to get another pet, which I love so much! And it sounds like the new boyfriend has been patient, but you need to find something to give you more self-esteem and love for yourself so that you know you deserve to be treated right. Hope this helps. Star

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