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[QUOTE=kezza5]Hello,

I am just looking for some reassurance really. I am driving myself insane with thoughts about illnesses and diseases. I have convinced myself I have lymphoma because I keep itching and I woke up in the night sweating. I can't sleep, and I have this terrible burning/cold sensation on my head. My face is really flushed too.

I am going to the nurse this afternoon. I am positive there is something wrong with me - I just can't accept it. I thought that they would investigate any physical ailments first and then conclude I suffer from anxiety and panic not the other way round. How do they know there is nothing physically wrong with me.

I am constantly in fear, surrounded by it, I feel like I am going to collapse in fear.

All I keep hearing is "oh you look so well". If only they knew.

Hope you are all doing good

K5[/QUOTE]
Kezza5, I know all too well how you are feeling. I have GAD and major health anxiety as well. I know what it is like to not feel in control because you feel like you are going crazy! I have thought I have had cancer, a brain tumor, deep vein thrombosis, heart problems and the list goes on. I have tried going on paxil and had such a severe reaction to it I will never take any medication ever again. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to bed feeling so bad I didn't think I would make it to morning and I was afraid I was going to die in my sleep. I have been to many doctors and the hospital many times. Nothing is ever found to be wrong. When we are in a constant state of fear, it just manifests and grows and grows.. we notice every little twitch in our body and think the worst. The fear takes over and we no longer feel in control. I believed that I was really sick. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to go outside because I was afraid of having anxiety in public and figured everyone would laugh at me. It is very real I know. And it's funny how we look fine on the outside but feel so rotten and hopeless on the inside because every test is found normal. I don't feel normal. I can't even remember what it's like to feel normal again. I don't agree with medication because I believe it just covers things up and pushes them down but the fear is actually still there. I have learned to accept that I have anxiety disorder even though I didn't want to believe it and I was sure something was wrong with me. Anxiety is just a feeling. It's amazing what feelings can do to us. I am working through it day by day and it is getting better. As long as you have a positive attitude. It's all in the way you think. I would like to recommend a book called from panic to power by Lucinda Bassett. I have read it four times now and I hope to be starting on the tapes once I get them from my sister in law. It's not a cure by any means, but it may help you understand and come to terms with what it is and what you are going through. I am very aware of every little thing that is going on in my body. Any strange sensation or ailment, I automatically think I have some terrible illness. If that were the case though, wouldn't they have found something by now? If I focus on my heart for instance, and get the chest pains and palpitations.. it lasts for some time until I find some other physical ailment to focus on. Then I don't seem to have any problems with my heart. It's funny that way. I know it is hard when doctors dismiss it as anxiety and panic disorder because we don't want to believe it. I've had this for 2 years now. If I were really sick, something would have happened by now. Anxiety won't kill you. You have survived this long with the same feelings and every time, nothing happens. That's the way I look at it. I hope this is of some reassurance. Let me know if you ever want to exchange email and talk some time. God bless.
Carrie





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