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It's so good to hear other stories and it is such an example of "jumping to conclusions" as I am reading about in Sam Ovitz book. One can hear other peoples issues and recognize the abnormality of it, but don't see one's owns. I've had anxiety all my life. I was diagnosed with social phobia which actually pretty much went away when I lost weight. That left me with GAD. In August, I had a one-night stand with a guy and developed some vaginal itching. Researched the internet and believe it had to be herpes. (It's even hard for me to write that word!) Went to the gyn and she said it was a yeast infection. (My first ever.) I still was not convinced and had her test me for every STD in existence. It all came back negative, but as I read and read on the thing I mostly feared having, I felt like I had to be sure. I believe now so many things are written to put a scare in people, but back then I was just obsessed. One day I felt some kinda "cut" on my behind. I looked up the nearest Planned Parenthood, knowing they were used to seeing STD's and ran out there very early one morning without an appointment. Needless to say, they would not see me so, I ran to the emergency room. I begged the doctor to culture it for "herpes." He did, but was quite annoyed and said there was nothing wrong with me. I again had him test me for every STD even though I had not had sex again since my last tests. All came back clean. I ended up paying for two more tests and they were both negative. I probably spent $500.00 + dollars from that little episode and I am still not totally free from it. Last month I got a cold sore. (I've gotten them all my life), but I ran to the emergency room demanding they test it to see if it was HSV1 or HSV2. The doctor refused, offered me some valium and sent me home. That cold sore cleared up, but now anytime I feel anything on my lip, I'm panicked. I think I also have developed a drinking problem. I was overweight my entire life and was a compulsive overeater. In 2002, I had a gastric bypass and I can no longer overeat, so I've found out that drinking now relaxes me. When I go to a restaurant, instead of looking at what food is there, I immediately look at the drinks menu. If you look at me it may seem like I have a problem because I do drink so little. Because of my surgery, one glass of wine makes me feel high. A couple of times in high stress times, I drunk an entire bottle and it made me very sick. I've always had high anxiety when it comes to sex and spent a good deal of my life celibate. My social phobia, shyness and anxiety has ruined the first 30 years of my life. I was too shy to date and would run from men. I feel like I now have to do something to break out of this. I'm dating someone, but if I don't hear from him on schedule as usual, I think the strangest things like maybe I do have an STD and gave it to him and that's why he is not talking to me. I then try and track him down and go crazy if I don't do so. That will send him running away like it does other men and I'm trying to control it. I am trying to become more active in resolving my issues. I wish the same for everyone.
[QUOTE=MSJade]It's so good to hear other stories and it is such an example of "jumping to conclusions" as I am reading about in Sam Ovitz book. One can hear other peoples issues and recognize the abnormality of it, but don't see one's owns. I've had anxiety all my life. I was diagnosed with social phobia which actually pretty much went away when I lost weight. That left me with GAD. In August, I had a one-night stand with a guy and developed some vaginal itching. Researched the internet and believe it had to be herpes. (It's even hard for me to write that word!) Went to the gyn and she said it was a yeast infection. (My first ever.) I still was not convinced and had her test me for every STD in existence. It all came back negative, but as I read and read on the thing I mostly feared having, I felt like I had to be sure. I believe now so many things are written to put a scare in people, but back then I was just obsessed. One day I felt some kinda "cut" on my behind. I looked up the nearest Planned Parenthood, knowing they were used to seeing STD's and ran out there very early one morning without an appointment. Needless to say, they would not see me so, I ran to the emergency room. I begged the doctor to culture it for "herpes." He did, but was quite annoyed and said there was nothing wrong with me. I again had him test me for every STD even though I had not had sex again since my last tests. All came back clean. I ended up paying for two more tests and they were both negative. I probably spent $500.00 + dollars from that little episode and I am still not totally free from it. Last month I got a cold sore. (I've gotten them all my life), but I ran to the emergency room demanding they test it to see if it was HSV1 or HSV2. The doctor refused, offered me some valium and sent me home. That cold sore cleared up, but now anytime I feel anything on my lip, I'm panicked. I think I also have developed a drinking problem. I was overweight my entire life and was a compulsive overeater. In 2002, I had a gastric bypass and I can no longer overeat, so I've found out that drinking now relaxes me. When I go to a restaurant, instead of looking at what food is there, I immediately look at the drinks menu. If you look at me it may seem like I have a problem because I do drink so little. Because of my surgery, one glass of wine makes me feel high. A couple of times in high stress times, I drunk an entire bottle and it made me very sick. I've always had high anxiety when it comes to sex and spent a good deal of my life celibate. My social phobia, shyness and anxiety has ruined the first 30 years of my life. I was too shy to date and would run from men. I feel like I now have to do something to break out of this. I'm dating someone, but if I don't hear from him on schedule as usual, I think the strangest things like maybe I do have an STD and gave it to him and that's why he is not talking to me. I then try and track him down and go crazy if I don't do so. That will send him running away like it does other men and I'm trying to control it. I am trying to become more active in resolving my issues. I wish the same for everyone.[/QUOTE]

Wow MSJade-
That note really struck me and I hate to admit this but when I was a teenager (and a virgin) I was convinced I had a STD and went to the local free clinic and insisted that I be tested. When it came back negative I went back and demanded to be tested again and they gave me antibiotics just to get rid of me! I probably took more antiobiotics (for no legitimate reason) as a teenager than most people injest over their lifetime. It all seems so silly now but at the time I was just as obsessed as you were.
Reading your note I can see your Jumping to conclusions and Blowing things out of Proportion and I now know that is what I did for years with all my health concerns. I sincerely hope you can get to the place where I am now with thanks to the TEA form and other CBT exercises :angel:
It sounds like you have a lot of living left to do :bouncing:

take care!

Billy





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