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What do I do?
Apr 4, 2004
For several years I have lived with OCD and not known it. I was diagnosed with major depression and social anxiety disorder. However, around September or October my therapist said I had OCD. Her therapy has not helped me and I have been seeing her since late August. She had me using this book called "Mind Over Mood" (cognitive therapy) but I can't say its been helping. The last 3 or 4 months have been the worst. I just turned 24 and live with my parents and they have had such financial difficulty that we had to move into an apartment. This really sucks for me, I don't like where I live. I also obsess about my future and what I'm going to do in life and all my falts. This is why I feel so bad, I feel like I should be doing more with my life and feel ashamed of my mental illness. Its like I always had these problems, but they were not as bad, its been a slow decline since age 14.

The weird thing is all these worries lessen around 10:00 pm or at least I feel much better. The night is what saves me. I really do feel much better, but I just can't take this anymore. The only thing I worry about at night is having to wake up the next day and having to go through this whole process. Lately, I don't eat as much, I can't concentrate on school work or anything, just the last couple of months it's been unbearable. At least before I could live with it. I've been through so many medications, you wouldn't believe it. My psych put me back on Lexapro and I take colonopin as needed, although I ran out of colonopin and its hard to get it when you have no money. I don't know what to do. I just feel scared and obsessed. All I want is relief.

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