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Can't find a job!
Apr 8, 2004
Hi everyone,

i love this board and the i always turn to the nicest people here,they help and make me smile with the positivity and happiness.I'm 24 and i'm engaged to the most wonderful man in the whole world.My story is sooo long but i won't bother with that now.I used to be soo shy and when i got my first job at a store,not knowing anything about the products or being the nice sales person you have to be and providing the excellent customer service.After 2 months i learned everything and i was a manager,but i had to move to the US and start a new life.Everything here is soo different,i've never changed so many jobs.Can't find the right place.Everywhere i've been from Litigation support to retail and sales.Negative,not healthy places.It made more depressed and right now i'm unemployed.I don't wanna look anymore,i'm soo afraid to even leave the apartment.All i have to offer is a GED but people won't even give you a chance with that piece of "EDUCTION"DOn't have the desire to go back to school.I don't know what i wanna do,my fiance is a partner and owns his own company and he has a pretty good salary.He tells me not to worry about the money,but he would be happy for me to get out there and be confident and find a job.I want something to keep me busy.I get these panic attacks when i'm by myself,don't feel smart and i hide in the apartment the whole day,sometimes i yell and cry,hurt his feelings.I wanna make a difference and don't wanna feel sorry for myself anymore.I'm not on any medicine and no shrink can change me,i think i have to start to destroy the old me and starting to rebuild slowly,just like a house.Sometimes i wish i would wake up and be different.I'm missing out and can't do this.I got this from my father,he is pretty depressed and he has tried every drug out there but he can't fix the emotional stress with pills.He misses his homecountry,we left Bosnia in 1992 in the genocide war and lived in germany for 9 yrs.So he feels useless and he says it's his fault that we are not in our country now living.My parents never told me they love me or i didn't have the nice childhood where the parents are proud of you or help you with the problems or show any kind of affection.I was always yelled and and been told i'm useless and i will never achieve anything.How do i let go of the hurtfull past?
I want to have a happy life.What is wrong with me,why do i feel this way?Please any advice,and i think when i feel like this,it's a cry for help and judgement.Please some support or advice...

thank you all for reading this,it's long


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