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Re: It gets better
Apr 23, 2004
OK I will make it shorter than I could make it. I can type about myself for ever.

Anxiety really started in my life while I was in the last year of the Marine Corps. I remember the first Anxiety attacke that I had ever had. We were watching the begining of Mission Impossible 2. I had to get out of there. I told my fiencee that we had to go and I just kept walking to the car. She cam up and we went to the Hospital. Man it felt weird. Tingly and hard to breath. Once there I was told I had a heart palpatation. They gave me beta blockers and a few hours later they sent me home.
About a week later I was watching the tv and had a full blown attack. Whew the things and emotions you remember when going through one of those. Well I took a beta blocker and nothing happened, except fatigue put me to sleep and I fel fine the next day. A week later I was worring in my shop and a few of my guys said I had blueinsh/purple eye sockets. I went to the doctor, no problems.
Well I came back home to the chicago land area from North Carolina. That was a fun drive I was stressed to the max and had a 20 hour car trip that took 44 hours to do. Constant stopping and breathing shallow were some of my problems.
Once home I started to have more attacks and started going to the ER alot. Once they gave me Xanax and I took it home but was afraid to take it because of what it would do to me.
Finally saw a family doctor and he gave me wellbutrin, that followed with a month of being sick from it. Dizzy, upset stomache, feeling 'hazy' all the time. So he switched me to Paxil. I took paxil for 3 years and hated everyday of it. I realy hated it more when I tried to get off of it. It made me loose my mind in a way. I always felt 'surreal' and living in a fog. Well I had gon to a psychologist and started to get mental therapy. I also say a Psychologist to get me off of the paxil. Man its the worst thing I ever went through.
PAxil withdrawl for me was so intense that it almost made me feel like I was literally losing my mind. The Psycharist put me on Lexapro. That helped tremendously and stopped the paxil withdrawls. Still made me feel loopy or *****. The lexapro did give me back something I was missing for a long time..... Reality.
I am now off of lexapro now and will not go back on a med. I dont need it right now in my life. Therapy has helped me realize where alot of the anxiety came from and how to avoid the negative though patter of an anxiety attack. Now I am not saying that everything everyday is coming up roses but it truly is great to be alive.
I was in this haze trying to avoid anxiety and not dealing with it. Both of my Psyc's helpoed me to realize that it was just to take the edge off and not to live on, so that I could work through the stuff that was causing my to have anxiety attacks.
The mind is cray isnt it? IT can make you literally feel something in your body that isnt really happening at all. Heh, Iremember when I had some pains in my chest (external Muscle) I though I was having a heart attack and starte dthe worrying panic thoughts that lead to an attack.

Now I have learned a few thing about my self:
While I was in that theater I was finishing off a Jumbo Coke and had alot of coffee earlier in that day. This triggered my body to pump the heart faster and I interpereted as something different than it actually was.
The purplish rings around my eye sockets, No sleep. Try getting out of something structured as that and go into something unstructured and sleep soundly. Also every day in the MC I would down about 3 pots of coffee in the morning time, that does WONDERs for anxiety. Nothing like a good supply of stimulants to get you revved for an anxiety attack.
Do not deny yourself that you have and anxiety problem. This is the first and best thing that I realized, Yep I have it, now what.
The best line to remember is to turn you "well what if.....? into (say sarchasticly)"So what if..."
Live life and dont worry about it, sounds like something we have all heard growing up from elders but they were right.
LAUGH some more and keep on laughing!

It is funny to me now but wasnt then about the things I worried about. Like "if I do this they, they will think of me this way," oh no :) . Not the end of the world.

Get exersize it helps.

I have not had an attack for over 9 months now and that is wonderful.
I now confront my thoughts instead of the what if cycle and impeading doom cycle.

I could tell you how I do it and save people some worry of their own. I could go on and on and on about how my life has changed and got better but I am in this board to try and help show that even people in the worst places mentally can climb out of it and get better. So much better that you can actually laugh at what used to get you spun so tightly to cause a panic/anxiety attack.

Never 'Quit'
Laughs and giggles

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