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[COLOR=Red]{REMOVED}[/COLOR] I'm 23 years old and I have severe social anxiety disorder all my life. I can remember back when I was 5 years old my mom would have to drag me out of the house kicking and screaming to go to kindergarden. My heart was pounding so hard every day I would walk into class and nothing has changed. I never really had any friends growing up because I was to scared to talk to any kids in school, I wasn't able to really do anything in all the years I went to school. I started college but I would have to skip the first day because I was so scared the teacher would make us introduce ourselves. No matter how long i've had a class my heart still starts to pound when I have to say "here" just to answer the role. I've dropped countless classes because the teacher called on people or was going to make us give presentations. I can only take a class if the teacher requires no participation and just lectures the entire time. I've wasted so much time and money in school. I remember I had English comp I and we would have to write papers all the time but the teacher would make us bring in our rough drafts and get in groups to discuss them. I couldn't do it so everytime he did that I would skip class. One day I got the days mixed up and showed up on the group paper day and I felt like I was going to throw up and I could barely breath. Anyway, he failed me because I missed to many days in his class, I would have passed it otherwise.
In addition to social anxiety I also have Idiopathic Craniofacial Erythema which is severe facial blushing. My face turns fiery red at the drop of a hat. My face gets red when I talk to someone, get embarrased, have anxiety, (which i have 24/7) being hot, being cold, drinking alchohol, or for no reason at all. When my face turns red I can't do ANYTHING. I can't look people in the eye, even my own mom. I can't talk to anyone, I just get this feeling that I need to go hide until my face cools down and goes back to normal. It sounds stupid but the color of my face controls my entire life.
Soooooo in situations like job interviews, I can never get the job. I basically can never have a "real" job because no one in there right mind would hire me after seeing what I look like in an interview. I had one job interview when I was 19 and it was the most horrific experience of my life. I could barely speak, my face turned beet red, I couldn't stop sweating, I was shaking, and I couldn't really get any complete sentences out. Needless to say, I wasn't hired. So i went for about 2 years without a job from 19 to 21, TWO YEARS. I had my parents screaming at me to go get a job every single day and every day I would get in my car and drive around and try sooo hard to go in somewhere and ask for an application. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't do it. My face would get red my heart would race and I would sweat uncontrollably just from asking for an application. Even if I did manage to go in and fill out an application I knew if they called me back for an interview it was hopeless, and even if it was some b.s. job that didn't interview me I knew what the first day of work would be like. Walking in and not knowing anyone, sitting there thinking about my face turning red the entire day, it was nearly impossible. So I would just sit in my truck and cry feeling like such a loser because I couldn't get a job. I knew I would have to go home and get yelled at by my mommy like I was ten. She thought I was nothing but lazy when in fact I wanted nothing more in the world than to get a job. I did manage to get a job about 2 years ago, only because my cousin worked there and he got me the job and I didn't have to get interviewed, thank god. I don't like it there but I have no choice I can't get another job.
I can't really do anything, If i go somewhere I have to leave early and turn the A/C on in my car and have it blowing on my face even when i'm freezing, I have to make sure my face doesn't get red, even though it doesn't matter because when I get out and talk to someone it gets red anyway. I also sweat non stop under my arms, even when im cold. So I can't raise my arms in any situation. I've never had a girlfriend, that is pretty much impossible. I can't go out and even when I do, which is extremely rare, It's torture instead of fun.
I thought maybe my social anxiety was caused only by my face turning red but that can't be since I get nervous talking to people over the phone. I get nervous just from calling a store and asking them what time they close. I have to go outside and not be around anyone if i'm going to call anyone, even if it's something as simple as asking what time kmart closes. I have never ordered a pizza in my entire life because I'm to afraid to talk to the pizza guy. I remember when I was younger I would always try to hide in another room when I knew the pizza delivery guy was coming cause I was too afraid to answer the door. I still can't answer the door on Hollaween because I'm to scared.
I feel like everyone is looking at me all the time and everyone is always judging me and thinking im not normal. I know it is all in my head but that doesn't matter, there is nothing I can do about it. Getting really really drunk is the only thing that takes my anxiety away but I can't even do that because my face gets insanely red when I drink. I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything, I can't even talk to the mailman. Doing things that other people take for granted, like going out, dating, having fun when your not by yourself, are impossible for me. I dream about what it would be like to live just one day without my face getting red, just one day. I think about all things I could that normal people do all the time. It makes me want to cry when I think about it because I know it will never happen but I got to dream about something. I'll never be able to get married, I'll never be able to have kids, I haven't done anything with my life and will never be able to do anything with my life. My face turns red because i get anxious and I get anxious thinking about my face turning red, it's a never ending cycle that I wake up with everyday and go to bed with everynight. It's hopeless. I don't know what I did in my former life to deserve a tortured life like the one I live everyday, but it must have been someting pretty bad.
[QUOTE=pessamistic][COLOR=Red]{REMOVED}[/COLOR] I'm 23 years old and I have severe social anxiety disorder all my life. I can remember back when I was 5 years old my mom would have to drag me out of the house kicking and screaming to go to kindergarden. My heart was pounding so hard every day I would walk into class and nothing has changed. I never really had any friends growing up because I was to scared to talk to any kids in school, I wasn't able to really do anything in all the years I went to school. I started college but I would have to skip the first day because I was so scared the teacher would make us introduce ourselves. No matter how long i've had a class my heart still starts to pound when I have to say "here" just to answer the role. I've dropped countless classes because the teacher called on people or was going to make us give presentations. I can only take a class if the teacher requires no participation and just lectures the entire time. I've wasted so much time and money in school. I remember I had English comp I and we would have to write papers all the time but the teacher would make us bring in our rough drafts and get in groups to discuss them. I couldn't do it so everytime he did that I would skip class. One day I got the days mixed up and showed up on the group paper day and I felt like I was going to throw up and I could barely breath. Anyway, he failed me because I missed to many days in his class, I would have passed it otherwise.
In addition to social anxiety I also have Idiopathic Craniofacial Erythema which is severe facial blushing. My face turns fiery red at the drop of a hat. My face gets red when I talk to someone, get embarrased, have anxiety, (which i have 24/7) being hot, being cold, drinking alchohol, or for no reason at all. When my face turns red I can't do ANYTHING. I can't look people in the eye, even my own mom. I can't talk to anyone, I just get this feeling that I need to go hide until my face cools down and goes back to normal. It sounds stupid but the color of my face controls my entire life.
Soooooo in situations like job interviews, I can never get the job. I basically can never have a "real" job because no one in there right mind would hire me after seeing what I look like in an interview. I had one job interview when I was 19 and it was the most horrific experience of my life. I could barely speak, my face turned beet red, I couldn't stop sweating, I was shaking, and I couldn't really get any complete sentences out. Needless to say, I wasn't hired. So i went for about 2 years without a job from 19 to 21, TWO YEARS. I had my parents screaming at me to go get a job every single day and every day I would get in my car and drive around and try sooo hard to go in somewhere and ask for an application. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't do it. My face would get red my heart would race and I would sweat uncontrollably just from asking for an application. Even if I did manage to go in and fill out an application I knew if they called me back for an interview it was hopeless, and even if it was some b.s. job that didn't interview me I knew what the first day of work would be like. Walking in and not knowing anyone, sitting there thinking about my face turning red the entire day, it was nearly impossible. So I would just sit in my truck and cry feeling like such a loser because I couldn't get a job. I knew I would have to go home and get yelled at by my mommy like I was ten. She thought I was nothing but lazy when in fact I wanted nothing more in the world than to get a job. I did manage to get a job about 2 years ago, only because my cousin worked there and he got me the job and I didn't have to get interviewed, thank god. I don't like it there but I have no choice I can't get another job.
I can't really do anything, If i go somewhere I have to leave early and turn the A/C on in my car and have it blowing on my face even when i'm freezing, I have to make sure my face doesn't get red, even though it doesn't matter because when I get out and talk to someone it gets red anyway. I also sweat non stop under my arms, even when im cold. So I can't raise my arms in any situation. I've never had a girlfriend, that is pretty much impossible. I can't go out and even when I do, which is extremely rare, It's torture instead of fun.
I thought maybe my social anxiety was caused only by my face turning red but that can't be since I get nervous talking to people over the phone. I get nervous just from calling a store and asking them what time they close. I have to go outside and not be around anyone if i'm going to call anyone, even if it's something as simple as asking what time kmart closes. I have never ordered a pizza in my entire life because I'm to afraid to talk to the pizza guy. I remember when I was younger I would always try to hide in another room when I knew the pizza delivery guy was coming cause I was too afraid to answer the door. I still can't answer the door on Hollaween because I'm to scared.
I feel like everyone is looking at me all the time and everyone is always judging me and thinking im not normal. I know it is all in my head but that doesn't matter, there is nothing I can do about it. Getting really really drunk is the only thing that takes my anxiety away but I can't even do that because my face gets insanely red when I drink. I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything, I can't even talk to the mailman. Doing things that other people take for granted, like going out, dating, having fun when your not by yourself, are impossible for me. I dream about what it would be like to live just one day without my face getting red, just one day. I think about all things I could that normal people do all the time. It makes me want to cry when I think about it because I know it will never happen but I got to dream about something. I'll never be able to get married, I'll never be able to have kids, I haven't done anything with my life and will never be able to do anything with my life. My face turns red because i get anxious and I get anxious thinking about my face turning red, it's a never ending cycle that I wake up with everyday and go to bed with everynight. It's hopeless. I don't know what I did in my former life to deserve a tortured life like the one I live everyday, but it must have been someting pretty bad.[/QUOTE]


To be honest it sounds more like a phobia then anxiety, although I'm sure you have that as well...talk with a doc sugar, see if there is something to help you with the phobia/anxiety...also I gather you are very insecure with the way your face gets, I'm sure there is something that can help with that medical wise I mean...alot of people are surprised by how much taking vitamins supplements help with just about everything!!...heck it could be as simple as that :)...definetly talk with a doc though, good luck to you :)...

KSB





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