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Hi again to all of you! :)

Wow, I hav'nt been here in a LONG time. I went off on my own for a month to work on a project and have also been dealing with some pretty severe anxiety issues which may be just plain old GAD/Panic -or- drug/withdrawl induced. I'm not sure. Anyway, it's good to be back :)

See, back when this first started (this time around) I had something trigger my anxiety and so I took a Xanax. The next day I took another and the following day and for many days thereafter, the same thing. Then I switched to Ativan and took that every day for about 3 weeks. Then my doctor gave me a huge supply of Oxazepam and I have been taking that ever since. So I have been on benzos for about 2 months straight now and I've NEVER taken them regularly like that before!.

During this time I have begun noticing some very disturbing symptoms that seem to appear once the benzos wear off (in between doses) and this is why I'm beginning to wonder if maybe these symptoms are being caused either by the benzos (or withdrawl in between doses from them). Or maybe it's some kind of "rebound" effect or perhaps it's just my regular, old anxiety - but I doubt it because it has been coming and going steadilly for months now and hitting me very hard.

Here are my symptoms on any given day...

1) Shortness of breath or gasping for air that leaves me panicking with fright.
2) My whole body feels like it's trembling or shivering from deep within.
3) My eyes are always fuzzy, blurry or images are sometimes distorted. Also, trouble focusing sometimes.
4) I get this sensation like I can feel every heartbeat, breath, inner rumblings and everything else going on in my body and it freaks me out.
5) Spasming or some kind of heart/lung fluttering sensation going on there from time to time (this is super scary!).
6) Muscle twitching in neck, face, hands and other places (this happens only occassionally).
7) At times, when I'm trying to say something I'll get all confused and my words/sentences come out all backwards and messed up.

Can anyone here relate to any of this?
I had panic anxiety disorder. Have been on zoloft for about 2 months now for it and it's working great. I have taken xanax only once in a while in the past to help with the panic attacks till the zoloft kicked in and have not taken any benzo's in about 6+ weeks. Well, I took a xanax 2 days ago cause I had a long drive I had to take and all was well. Now, today, out of no where I got bad anxiety while shopping. I was fine, no stress, etc.. just came for no reason at all and I haven't had ANY anxiety since the 2nd week or so of taking zoloft. I'm starting to think it came on from the xanax I took 2 days ago? That's the only thing I've done different. My anxiety symptoms today were: hot skin (like a mild sun burn) on my neck, shoulders, arms and face. Tense feeling in shoulders & legs. A little dizzy. A weird sharp pain in the center lower part of my breast bone that later ended up being relieved from burping/passing gas (i guess that 1 was gas) from having a butterflys feeling in my stomach (maybe IBS? - not sure), hot feeling inside my head (like brain is on fire), dry mouth, can't concentrate while talking/difficutly having conversation due to surreal feeling.
My life is just starting to get good again except for the recent loss of my dad but I mean other areas of my personal life are getting good, I've been socializing a lot, have some new friends, etc.... Now, I'm worried to travel to see my friends because I don't want to not be able to function properly and them think I'm crazy. They don't know by the way and I'm not sure if I want to tell them just yet (maybe wayyyy later) but not right now. I prefer to secure the friendships a little better first due to how easy it is for new people not to be understanding of this. I want sooooooooooooooooooo bad to fly and see this person, have a mini trip where they live 14 hours away with them. The thought of me being far away from my safe zone (home or family) scares me! What if this happens and they're not understanding of the situation and I have to deal with it alone? Not only would that hurt my feelings it would be scarey as hell! I'm not even sure I could do it alone if it got too bad and I don't have anyone that can take the trip with me. I really want to do this though! I soooo don't want to have to take xanax to get through it either because it seems to cause me to have a LOT of anxiety a day or 2 later.
Should I go on this trip? If I don't, I'll probably feel like I'm letting this ruin and run my life. I can't get anywhere in life that way. Any ideas?

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