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rock bottom really lasted about a year for me and sometimes I think I'm still at rock bottom. My rock bottom hit when I went on a trip to Palm Springs with my parents and grandparents a few years ago. I have always been anxious and a nervous traveler, but never to the extent that it affected my every day life. So anyway, I was having a wonderful trip until one night we went out to dinner. We were having a great time, drinking, eating good food, etc. At the end of the meal i realized I had eaten way too much and wasn't feeling well. I went to the bathroom and had my first panic attack. I could not leave the bathroom. I knew my family was waiting for me outside - they wanted to walk around and do window shopping, and the drive back to where we were staying was a good 15-20 miles away or so, so getting back to a safe place was impossible. This made my panic all the worse. I was in the bathroom for about 10 minutes not knowing what to do when my mom came in and checked on me. At this time in my life I didn't realize what was happening, I just thought I was weird, so I did not want to tell my mom. So I had to leave the bathroom. Everyone was chatting and strolling along, looking in stores, etc but all I could think about was how I had to get back to the car and we had to get back home. my mom was trying to talk to me but I couldn't speak. I was walking as fast as I could to the car without trying to make it seem like I was running away.

Finally everyone got to the car and the drive back was an eternity. I was squished in the backseat between my parents and desperately needed a window - I was fighting vomiting the whole time and tearing my hair out, even gouging my arms with my fingernails, anyhting to try and take my mind off the panic that was going on in my body. After that incident, i had a terrible migraine for the rest of the trip and was exhausted. I was a nervous wreck and didn't end up leaving the place we were staying for the next 3 days. When I got home I went to the dr and started meds, therapy, etc. Just tlaking about that time puts my stomach in knots. Over the course of the next year I lost 10 pounds and pretty much became agoraphobic. I am much better now, but I don't think I will ever be the same person i was before that night.





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