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Anxiety Message Board

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Here is my story. I developed panic disorder last year when my grandmother was dying with cancer. My first symptoms scared me so bad, I thought that I was having a heart attack. And so I was rushed to the ER. Well, after that, my grandmother passed, and my dad was sick as well with cancer. He passed away later on in the year. Well since then, panic disorder has consumed my life. It seems as if almost anything can trigger an attack. My chest gets tight, or the pain just radiates. The fast heart beat. Well recently, I have been obsessed with the way my health is going. Doctors say that I am fine. Only thing that I have is a fatty liver, and GI problems. But I am always concerned that there is something else going on. I fear that there could be something like a horrible disease, or cancer, dwelling in my body. And I worry and panic all the time over this. I have been to the ER so many times over little things thinking that I have bigger problems. For instance, I had a strange headache, so I thought I had a brain tumor. My tummy hurts, I have stomach cancer. I fear these things so much that its consumed my life. I take benzos when I feel one come on. But I feel like I could be getting dependant on them. So I try not to take them as often as I did. They put me on Wellbutrin, and it wreaked havoc with my GI problems. I just feel like there is nothing out there for me to take. Zoloft, triggered a major attack. They gave me Celexa, and it seemed to cause palpatations. So what can I do? Now, I try to sleep, and I wake in a panic. I cant go back to sleep. Its really tiring. I then take a ativan to help me sleep. I fear death beyond belief. I think that ultimately, I fear death more than anything. That is why I fear all these diseases. What I want to know, is there something going on here that is more serious than panic disorder? I am scared. Its just out of control. My doctor wanted to put me in Partial care. Meaning instead of going to a mental institution its a day time thing where I seek counciling, and help, and then in the evenings I can go home. I dont think that it will work. I hurt too much and think that all my pains are something more serious. Why am I this way? Is there anyone out there who is going through the same thing? Please let me know. I have had about enough of this. I am scared.

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