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I really don't know why, but I always feel very skittish and terrible in public. I'm not afraid to talk, but I'm afraid to stand up, get personal, or anything of that manner.

If I'm with people that know me, I'm always the one who's not "with it", so people tend to just ignore me. Even as I add comments, people think small of them and rather go on without me.

When or when not in public, I feel reality has given up for me. I'm barely aware of myself most of the time. It's like I'm not in a body, but rather I feel like a ghostly mind.

Things have been scrambled and baffling for me like this for the past 8 years. I remember when I first started getting skittish, uptight, and the terrible feelings around public, and I cannot identify any traumatic issues that could have caused this. I believe the biggest culprit is "staying in my room and using the computer, isolated from society". Now I'm at the point were I can't even drive to the hospital or grocery store if it were in emergency. I also have "physical" stress in my neck muscles that has transformed them into hard as bone. It's hard to sleep with throbbing pain on both sides of my neck as well as the thoughts of my current mental state, so I normally can't get a good night's rest either.

How can I cure this "terrible life" and continue with the normal one I had nearly a decade ago? I feel like I'm going to die if I don't change things, because already, I have problems with my heart palpitations. My heart is so sensitive physically that every time I move from one place to another (ex. sitting to standing, or standing to laying down), I feel a painful rush of blood. I've already had a full blood check recently due to the seriousness of the pain, but the test results came up normal. I've already tried medications such as Buspirone, but I had negative side effects rather than positive outcomes. (those include of lightheadedness and flashes...like when you are tired.)

Do you guys have any idea what I might be going through? Of course some kind of Anxiety, but that doesn't seem to narrow it down enough. :confused:

I don't appreciate this life of constant mental anguish, so I really have nothing much to do but work and education. I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near shy. I'm rather an immensely extrovert person, in a scramble between introvert and extrovert, ready to crack under the stress of a mental disorder.

I can't just go out and be social, because I've already tried that a ridiculous amount of times. It always fails me.
The blood rushes are to my forehead, so I can't help but notice them due to the fact that they black out my vision temporarily sometimes. I'm a very tall person and my folks tell me tall people tend to have this issue, so I may be stuck with it. It's very strange when the blood rushes to my head, because I sometimes lose my vision for 2-3 seconds as well as nearly losing my balance. (haven't lost it completely yet, but I do tend to knell onto the ground to regain the balance.) This issue isn't as bad as the anxiety though and doesn't occur but somewhat often.

[QUOTE=SRMom]Hi again:

I agree with hry33 about Buspirone. I took it a few times awhile back and it made me feel weird and dizzy and caused me more anxiety as a result. I take Xanax and it works well and quickly when I need it.[/QUOTE]
Ah...the funny part here was that my doctor claimed Buspirone wouldn't cause me to feel anything, but rather remove the anxiety. I did feel a little skeptical, and now I know it was just goofy, because the side effects were pretty intense. (dizzy shocks)


To continue the description, I notice my skittish symptoms go away when I'm at my house. I feel so embarrassed when I'm stiff or slightly twitch (spasm really) in public areas sometimes, but I really can't help it. The good thing is people don't seem to notice, or just don't say anything that is. I also walk around in most public rooms quick and lightly (as in, I do the most moving). I think the proper medication and allot of hands on realistic group therapy could help a guy like me. I'm talking a whole group of people who are introduced to different social situations of many kinds. Group Therapists for Moderate/Heavy Anxiety, i suppose.


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skit·tish (skĭt'ĭsh) pronunciation
adj.

1. Moving quickly and lightly; lively.
2. Restlessly active or nervous; restive.
3. Undependably variable; mercurial or fickle.
4. Shy; bashful.
I still haven't got any help yet. My folks are waiting for the doctor to send a list of psychiatrists, because we can only afford to use insurance for the bills.
Last time, I went to a "shy psychologist"! She was extremely shy and twitched, so I felt worse for her than myself. Apparently, I need a "psychiatrist" due to the severity of my issue. If you can't live a normal social life, then why even live at all. Humans are "meant" to be social by nature. Anyone without a healthy social life normally feels pretty bad and as if their life is missing things in a depressing manner. I'm not even social with my family. I can't name one person I have actually hugged in the past eight years or so. I don't enjoy life too much right now. I do things at jobs, but people think of me as stale and boring...one who is with the ice cold machines. If only I could have a bundle of friends. People who I enjoy to call friends and cause me to raise my voice in excitement or annoyance at times. To become socially contrasted...I fear I'll need some kind of aid to help me there for the rest of my life. I've known atleast hundreds of people, yet not even one single friend out of them. In the end, I have turned to dislike every one of them with immense force. I don't hate them, but I do ignore them. I wish I could just live a normal life, and have the good and bad things most people my age have. Right now, I only seem to use computers, because they have no personality. The problem is, they are also my poisen that makes me worse.

I equally feel bad either with people or by myself, so I don't know anymore...

If theres no one to talk to, I normally act very serious. I sort of have that problem.





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