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I hate this
Oct 10, 2005
i went away for the weekend with hopes of feeling better. while i DO feel better overall, i still experience bad/random thoughts that i hate thinking about. i would NEVER kill myself - but sometimes i wonder what would happen if i did - not that i WANT to, but it's just random recurring thoughts in my head. i also think of my family members dying, being killed, and even me going crazy. it upsets and bothers me very much. also, lately i'm scared to death of watching any scary movies or even shows that involve guns, and killing. it just bothers me so much and i don't know why - it never really did. i think the absolute worst of everything at times. i've heard these can be symptoms of anxiety.

i'm 17 years old, and there's somewhat of a family history of depression/anxiety on my mother's side. they took meds for it, but i'm only 17. my mother thinks it's best for me to stay off meds until it's absolutely necessary. i also get worried about taking meds, because i know very weird things can happen, especially with teenagers - like suicide? but i hate these thoughts and if meds would get rid of the feeling, i would gladly take them.

not for nothing - but i feel like this shouldn't be happening to me :( it sounds like such a shallow thing to say, but this just sucks. seriously. i was voted homecoming queen this year, i'm on a high-end varsity soccer team, and i have many friends and a supportive family. why am i feeling like this :( i'm currently seeing a psych, but i'm gonna start going to a new one i think. she's helped me, but i think i need someone different. she hasn't diagnosed me with anything as of yet either. i've been seeing her once a week for about a month and a half now

anyone with similiar experiences?
Re: I hate this
Oct 11, 2005
Mishkaa...
I have those thoughts too, of killing myself but i know i am not near it at all. I also cannot watch ugly movies (stay away from "the exorcism of emily rose" it got me bad). If you can live without meds, by all means do so. Watch for when your thoughts do intervene with your daily life. For me, one day i just couldn't swallow, i was jittery and tremors traveled inside me up and down. I couldn't button up my own blouse and i had to be helped around. That's when i started taking the meds. So, consider therapy first and meds later.
Also, don't think you are not supposed to have this. I am an accountant, I have an MBA, make plenty of money, always been model child, make enough money to get by and more, and at 28 i have severe anxiety problems. Many times, our perfectionism and greed to be at top is what is killing us. Watch for your need to be admired and accepted by others. At the end, it only counts if you let that happen. Today i have very few friends, i let go of shallow relationships, and my family. As long as these few people care, the rest of the world can go around and around.
Re: I hate this
Oct 11, 2005
[QUOTE=Sonika]Mishkaa...
I have those thoughts too, of killing myself but i know i am not near it at all. I also cannot watch ugly movies (stay away from "the exorcism of emily rose" it got me bad). If you can live without meds, by all means do so. Watch for when your thoughts do intervene with your daily life. For me, one day i just couldn't swallow, i was jittery and tremors traveled inside me up and down. I couldn't button up my own blouse and i had to be helped around. That's when i started taking the meds. So, consider therapy first and meds later.
Also, don't think you are not supposed to have this. I am an accountant, I have an MBA, make plenty of money, always been model child, make enough money to get by and more, and at 28 i have severe anxiety problems. Many times, our perfectionism and greed to be at top is what is killing us. Watch for your need to be admired and accepted by others. At the end, it only counts if you let that happen. Today i have very few friends, i let go of shallow relationships, and my family. As long as these few people care, the rest of the world can go around and around.[/QUOTE]

thanks for your words!
these thoughts scare me so much sometimes .. i definitely am feeling a bit better than last week though. a little better is better than no improvement at all!





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